Super Thriller #3- No Place to Hide

This review is the first of many Sweet Valley High reviews that I plan to write. God, I LOVED SVH books ( and Sweet Valley Twins) from the age of 8 until sadly the age of 17!! I never read this particular Super Thriller in my youth (I only read Super Thriller 1) so this is new for me. So here goes- the first review on books about the cooky lives of those gorgeous, perfect size 6 figured Wakefield twins!!

We begin with Jessica and Elizabeth at the Sweet Valley News headquarters. Jess and Liz managed to score internships at Sweet Valley News ( Liz because she wants to be a journalist, and Jessica because Ned and Alice Wakefield, the twins’ parents made her is my guess). Liz is all jazzed over the upcoming elections for mayor of Sweet Valley. Miles Robinson is running against Russell Kincaid- Miles is your classic good guy but kinda boring mayoral candidate, and Russell is the flashier, better looking, I suppose Bill Clinton esque candidate. There has been talk about illegal use of campaign funds and bribery in the Kincaid campaign- what dishonesty in politics? I NEVER!

 

Outfit talk- Liz is wearing a conservative blue skirt that of course still makes her look sexy, and a blue and white striped cotton sweater. Jessica is sporting a linen mini, a sweater with shoulder pads, and heels ( God, I LOVE 80’s fashions- SHOULDER PADS!)

In other news, Nicholas Morrow has been very bummed since the death of his sister. It’s been a few months, and he is not completely over Regina’s ultimely death yet ( dear Regina died of an abnormal reaction to cocaine). The NERVE of Nicholas- shit, get over it already! Liz decides that inviting Nicholas to the company picnic is a great way to cheer people up- ummmm Liz company picnics aren’t super fun for employees a lot of the time, never mind for someone who doesn’t know any of your coworkers from Adam!! Nicholas agrees to attend, but when Jessica, Liz and Nicholas arrive to the picnic, Nicholas quickly becomes bored and upset and goes off to take a walk in the nearby woods. Liz goes with him so that he will not be alone,and Nicholas welcomes the company.

Nicholas and Liz arrive in front of a big, VIctorian style type house, and they see a girl of about 16 or 17 years of age with a Yorkshire pup. The girl is wearing an old fashioned blue dress, and she is the most beautiful girl Nicholas has ever seen. Even Liz finds this girl dead sexy, and she is a brunette and not a hot blonde like Liz!! The girl’s name is Barbara, and Nicholas is instantly in love. However, Barbara says that any relationship between her and Nicholas must be kept secret because her uncle has forbidden from seeing friends her own age, or leaving the house or grounds with his prior authorization. Barbara is from Switzerland, and Barbara’s uncle John told Barbara’s parents that he wanted her to visit for the summer, so that Barbara could know where her late grandmother came from, and naturally her parents let go clear across the world to visit this unknown uncle- who is actually her grandfather’s cousin, but Barbara is told to call him Uncle John. Only Barbara, Uncle John and Josine the housekeeper live in this home.  Barbara’s grandma died when Barbara’s mother was a baby- she drowned right near the grounds of the home- or did she drown accidentally? …… hmmmmm….

Nicholas and Barbara begin to see each other secretly, and Nicholas is more and more in love with each passing day. Soon, Nicholas and Barbara notice another car in the driveway besides Uncle John’s- a Jaguar that neither one has ever seen before. Who could it be?

 

Meanwhile, Jessica and Liz both get cool new assignments at the Sweet Valley News- Elizabeth is covering the mayoral campaign, which has her super jazzed, and Jessica is covering a Paul Lazarow exhibit- Paul Lazarow the artist died long ago, but of course painters always become more famous when dead. Both twins are looking very forward to their assignments, and are eager to get more information.

 

Jessica finds out that one of Paul Lazarow’s students was Russell Kincaid- the same gent running for mayor! Hmm- Kincaid was into painting???

 

But moving on- one night Nicholas gets brave and takes Barbara out to dinner in a nearby town (*near her town that is). Nicholas notices that a strange gent keeps staring at Barbara looking VERY spooked- as if he has seen a ghost! And Barbara shares that she resembles her GRANDMA a lot- and Josine often mistakes her for her late grammie- also named Barbara!! And- when Nicholas and Barbara return from dinner, Nicholas goes off to drop off Barbara, comes back and his car is vandalized!! OH NOES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jessica, Liz and Nicholas all go to the Paul Lazarow art exhibit.  At the exhibit there is a painting of BARBARA! But it’s not Nick’s Barbara- it’s Barbara the grandma , who is Paul Lazarow’s daughter!!!  Or was Lazarow’s daughter. Who knew????  And, Nicholas sees a pic of Russell Kincaid and he says Russell looks JUST LIKE the man who was at the restaurant that night- now, why would Russell Kincaid be so spooked out by seeing Barbara?

 

OK Dear Readers I am sooo fucking sorry but I have to rush through the rest of this review because the book is just sooo mega boring and frankly I am wicked bored just reviewing this craptastic book so I am going to pretty much make a long story short- turns out that Barbara’s ” Uncle John” and Russell Kincaid are brothers!! And both John and Russell were art students of Paul’s and had the major hots for Barbara. But alas Barbara the grandma had the hots for neither Russell nor John- she was in love with, and ended up marrying and getting knocked up by, a gent named Jack Pearsall- Jack, who is young Barbara’s grandpa. Well, Russell and Barbara have this huge argument one night, and Russell ends up pushing Barb ( old Barb, a very long time ago) off a cliff!!! YUP!!!!!!!!!!!! And then John, Russ’s bro, somehow finds out about young Barb, and brings her to CA so that she can totally spook Russell out, because Russell ruined the business they started and John wanted his revenge. Went a little too far to get it, if you ask me, especially since we find all this shit out John went as far as to pistol whip Liz, and hid the dog in some weird ass closet and shit. Soooo basically John and Russ get to fightin’ , and John pushes Russ off the clip- great, now Miles Robinson will soooo totally be the mayor of Sweet Valley! BITCHIN!!

Now where is Jack, Barbara’s grandpa? Well once old Barb died, Jack went completely fuckin insane, and was put in a nursing home. So some other folks raised Barbara and Jack’s daughter, Barbara’s mom. Barbara the younger finds Jack in the home, and of course there is an awesome, tearful reunion, and Jack and Barbara are going to go to Switzerland to be with her kick ass and not at all neglectful parents. Of course, Nicholas is totally upset over Barbara, his one true love leaving, and Barbara and Nicholas embrace and kiss and all that, and Barbara says never forget me, and the book ends.

And yeah this review may suck ass but the book sucked more ass I am serious as cancer about that. A few observations, though- Nicholas is soooooooooo fuckin boring! And I found him boring when I read the SVH books, but he is even worse than I imagined!! And the time span is this book is confusing as fuck- you never know if a few days or weeks has passed in this book and that drives me insane. And of course although the book is about Nicholas and Barbara, the twins are involved in every aspect of this crap because the Wakefield twins are involved in every little thing and run Sweet Valley- so Miles Robinson, really the Wakefields make all of the decisions- not your ass!

Coming soon- a review of SVH Book 5 All Night Long, which kicked a hell of a lot more ass than this CRAP!!

 

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