Sweet Valley High #5- All Night Long

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When I first picked up this book, I first marveled at the cover- why does Jessica’s main squeeze in this book, Scott Daniels, look like Ron Jeremy in the 70’s? Does Scott looking like a 70’s porn star supposed to show that he is menacing and ” experienced?” I guess so. And LOVE how Jess’s red bikini is prominently displayed!!! I also kept thinking of the Lionel Richie song ( still love Lionel to me he is totally cooler than his daughter) ” All Night Long” and wondered if Francine Pascal got the title of this book from that particular song.

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So our book begins with Jessica getting ready for her hot date with Scott Daniels, who says he is 18  but Liz thinks he may even be 19 or 20- HORRORS! I mean to think that a 16 year old may be dating a dude who is 19-oh no! I mean gosh Jess dated a 16 year old when she was  only TWELVE- granted that is another book, but I can also say that you would have thought Jess would have learned her lesson about dating more ” experienced” men. But as per usual I digress. Jess asks to borrow Liz’s white halter top ( Liz wears halter tops? Isn’t Liz Miss J Crew???) because it goes perfectly with her little red shorts. Liz is very concerned that Jess is going out with Scott to this college beach party and thinks Jessica may be in over her head on this one, but Jessica assures Liz that she can ” handle” any man, and then tells Liz that she best cover for Jessica while she is out with Scott as Ned and Alice completely disapprove of this young man. Liz said she can’t really promise to do that, but of course Liz will cover for her so why did Liz even say that??? So off Jessica goes to make a sexy time- well as much of a sexy time as the twins will ever make- with Scott, ( Jess tells Ned and Al that she is going out to the beach with Cara Walker) as Liz stays home and worries.

 

Soooo we see Jess hanging out at what I feel is a bitchin’ college beach party. Jessica is alarmed that these college kids are DRINKING BEER and PASSING A JOINT AROUND!! OH NOES!!! Obviously this ” crowd” is way too fast for Jess but HELL0- if Jess is at all popular wouldn’t she be at parties where beer and joints are around before? And when I was in high school, the popular kids would go to, like, Central Ct State U or UCONN for parties fairly often, so college parties wouldn’t be that foreign to a pretty, popular gal like Jess, realistically. And granted when I was in high school I never drank, smoked joints or went to parties as I was terminally unpopular but Jess totally had buds and went to parties so beer and pot should NOT be foreign to her!!

Scott is sensing that Jess is uncomfy but doesn’t give a shit and pretty much tells her to loosen up.  Scott then kisses Jessica very “roughly” (which since Jess was with Brucie Patman isn’t she used to this) and Jessica is even more uncomfy with that. But then Scott asks Jess if they can go off somewhere to be alone and for some reason Jessica agrees although she was already feeling creeped out by Mr. Daniels. Well, Scott ends up shoving his hand into the back of Jess’s bikini and starts kissing her roughly again and Jessica protests. Scott said she was ” practically naked” ( dude- it’s a beach. Wearing a bikini is VERY standard) and that ” she knows she wants it”. Jessica does NOT want this, luckily Scott leaves her alone and I mean LEAVES her ALONE! So Jess is wandering around trying to get outta there, finds  a beachhouse but it’s full of Scotty and his pals! Scott says there’s no way in fuck he is taking Jess home right now, and this is an ALL NIGHT  college party so guess what- Jessica has to stay there ALL NIGHT LONG? So Jessica ends up sleeping on a floor, very upset over what happened. And hey of course she probably feels kind of dumb,but our Jess would never admit that!!!

The next morning Elizabeth wakes up in a huge panic because jess STILL hasn’t come home and today they have school- AND the big tourist guide test! Jessica and Liz both really want the opportunity to take plenty of tourists around Sweet Valley, but they cannot do so without passing today’s big test ( which is offered at the school- odd. Does Sweet Valley only employ high schoolers to be tourist guides? Ah in our town they are all 80 year old women sooo..). Jessica then calls saying she is sorry, blah blah she will be home soon. Alice calls the twins down to eat their pancakes- wow Alice you cook pancakes for your kids on a weekday you kick ass- and Liz is all panicky as to what to do. So Liz tosses on whatever, gets downstairs, and says that Jessica is sewing a button to her skirt ( Jess sews??) so that is why she can’t come downstairs now. Alice is like OK but hey the pancakes are getting cold and Alice has to leave for work soon. So Liz pretends she’s going to school now to meet Todd, and goes back upstairs, puts on a Jess outfit, and pretends to be Jess- and is stuck eating MORE pancakes although she is mad full. Liz- don’t eat too many pancakes or you will lose that perfect size 6 figure!!! Alice still can’t tell the difference between her twins after 16 years  so she doesn’t suspect a thing. And off Liz goes to school in her Jess outfit, to the point that Enid and Todd don’t recognize her at first either!

Liz eventually tells Todd what happened to Jess last night, and how Liz feels obligated to cover for Jess and not tell Alice and Ned. Then, the tourist guide test comes  and STILL no Jess! So dummy Liz decides to take the test FOR Jess- she can because it’s two different periods with 2 different proctors. Todd tells Liz it’s a dumb idea and says Jess is inconsiderate and selfish- not entirely untrue- and Liz is all pissed and dumps Todd for saying so- the fuck?? But then Liz is so upset when she takes the test for Jess that she ends up failing ” Jessica’s” test- though she passes her own. Well Jessica FINALLY shows up to school that day acting as if shit nothing has happened- she justs tells Lila and Cara that she handled Scott  and he was a dick but that’s it she handled it. No explanation as to how Jess made it back or how she even got access to a phone that I remember. And then Jess has the NERVE to get pissed b/c Liz failed the test- at least Elizabeth gets some ovaries and says well yeah Jess had you been here you could have taken the test yourself and passed!

 

Well Liz does see that Todd was right and they totally make up, and Jess NEVER gets caught for sneaking out with Scott and we never hear about Scott again ( well maybe if you watch any films made by Vivid Productions, Scott’s in those! 😉 and yeah that’s the end. B plot is some shit about Bill Chase winning a surfing contest- a big WHO CARES story so I won’t even discuss it. And Todd says he is getting a new YAMAHA motorcycle leading us to the drama that is book 6 Dangerous Love ( which for some reason that title gets me thinking of Beyonce!) a review is a comin!

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