Hi, Hater! Girl Talk 3: The New You

There is actually a fantastic recap of this book on Tales of a Former Walking Highlighter.


 It’s not to be missed… the Tyra Banks references are especially dead-on and hilarious. Since I don’t feel I can “top that” ala Teen Witch I’m just gonna break y’all off a little preview of the remix ala R. Kelly. Wait, does that even make sense? I don’t care because Teen Witch rocks!


Unless you’re blind (like me) you can read the words “Allison’s a model!” in the little informative cover ball. Surely this is what convinced my sister to purchase this book back in the day, then convinced me to swipe said book.

How did Allison become a model, you wonder? One of Sabs’ favorites, Belle Magazine, conducted some kind of assinine model search at good ol’ Widmere Mall. And Allison, even though she’s super tall (so?) and super lame, totally got picked for said search. So did Stacy the Great, who acted like a mega-bitch, But that goes without saying. Anyway, the lesson is, well… Stacy’s a bitch and, uh…. you can change your outside without changing your inside. Also, modeling sucks. You’re better off leaving that shit alone and focusing on reading, writing and making friends who have cool, spiky mullets or rockin’ red curls. And, if you have time, some bland blond can round out your group.

Some highlights:

*Bradley Junior High’s literary mag has the same name as my former college’s newspaper… The Beacon. How much would you bet that BJH’s Beacon is better than MCLA’s?

*I can’t understand why Stacy and Friends need to make fun of Allison being tall. Um, isnt’t that hot? Talk about drinkin’ that Haterade!

*Speaking of Tall Al… look at those legs on the cover! Gaw-geous! I mean, the socks are fugly (but you know they were so in back then) but thanks to this cover art I am so not liking my own white, stubbly-two-seconds-after-shaving, bit-too-much-knee-fat gams right now.

*Also love Ran’s mullet on this cover. Yowza!

*Too bad Sabs looks like she’s been shopping from a nursing home catalog.

*So far after reading descriptions of Al’s, Sabs’ and Katie’s bedrooms I’ve decided Al’s is the worst: cream colored walls with rust red and brown trim, matching comforter and curtains, chest of drawers and roll top desk that sound like they’d belong to an 86 year old woman and more bookcases than my beloved elementary school’s “media center”.

*For some reason I think Darla Jones is a great name.

*Why must Al’s douche little brother, Charlie, always answer the phone chez Cloud? Seriously, who keeps a 7-year old in charge of the telephone?

*I don’t know what you’re up to, Bruce the Moose, but you’re old enough to drive and Al’s only in 7th grade. Where I come from you’re headin’ down a road to statutory rape. Well, I’d imagine that’s true just about everywhere in the US, but I don’t want to get too cocky about my knowledge of the law.

*I can’t believe Allison had never bent over and brushed the underside of her hair. I thought pretty much EVERY ’80s gal did that. I did, and I was only 6 when the ’80s ended.

*Is there ever problem that can’t be solved by going to Fitzie’s?


Allison at photo shoot #1: gathered denim mini, pink ribbed tights, pink t-shirt, fringed suede jacket and matching brown suede boots.

Stacy at photo shoot #1: bulky grey turtleneck sweater, black stretch pants, short black boots with straps around the ankles.

Allison at school: oversized yellow t-shirt, stonewashed overalls with yellow-and-white striped cuffs, yellow socks and white sneaks.

Allison at photo shoot #2: big, brown turtleneck sweater, plaid wool skirt and–eep!–tortoiseshell glasses!

Stacy at photo shoot #2: pink corduroy pants with matching suspenders, pink-and-lavender striped long sleeve t-shirt.

Pretty disappointing that I couldn’t find any hip and trendy Randy outfits in here. L.E./K.A. usually makes a big deal of having a character describe Randy’s “Downtown New York” look and how different it is… but that’s totally cool!

I’m dying for some Randy reading but I realized the person from which I obtained sixteen GT books on eBay is fairly lame and had a wicked Katie fetish. Or else was not so into Katie and felt the need to unload many books that feature her. She’s not as boring as Al, but still…

My next recap will be of Girl Talk 11: Mixed Feelings. You’ll never guess who narrates that one!

Until then. Ciao.


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