SVH #2- Secrets

We begin this particular SVH book with Jessica being very upset with Liz- see in Book #1,  Jessica was trying to steal Todd from Liz, and in revenge Liz planned it so Jessica was thrown into a pool fully clothed. I say big fuckin whoop- would it be better to be tossed into the pool naked in front of the whole school? Well, Jessica is in Cara’s room getting ready for her hot date with Tom McKay, and as Cara zips her up, Cara thinks to herself that ” as usual, Jessica looked too gorgeous for words”- ummmmm OK Cara.


We then join Elizabeth and Enid in the Wakefield kitchen, where Liz and Enid are baking cookies. Enid is acting all nervous and shit, and Enid ends up breaking a measuring cup from shaking! Elizabeth asks Enid what is wrong, and Enid says ” well someone may as well know” and Enid reveals her BIG secret- two years ago, when Enid’s parents got divorced, she was really despondent over it and started to take drugs and hang out with a wild older crowd, a crowd in which George Warren is a member. One day, Enid and George are high as kites and George is driving the car high, and they end up hitting a little boy with the car!! The little boy lived and all, but Enid and George had to go to juvie hall! But Enid is now reformed- yeah! But Ronnie Edwards, Enid’s boyfriend of 2 months, does not know about Enid’s secret and he cannot know because he is very moral and good. And oh he’s also “turns green if Enid looks at another guy by accident”- yes kids, you got it, Ronnie Edwards is a posessive, controlling arsehole!! I can see why Enid wouldn’t want to lose this gem of a man! And then Enid says Ronnie would really flip if he found out that George was writing Enid from George’s residential program, even though the letters are just friendly. And George is coming for a visit in less than 2 weeks- oh no Ronnie BEST not find out! Enid shows Liz some of the letters, and Elizabeth promises that she will not tell anyone Enid’s secret, and will not tell anyone about George’s letters either.  After Enid declares that Lizzie is her very best friend, Enid and Liz begin to tell ghost stories- yup because that is what 16 year old girls do at slumber parties is tell ghost stories- yeah my cousin and I did that when we were maybe 11. By age 16, my friends and I preferred to look at my bro’s porn mags and watched movies on HBO. And talked about sex we weren’t having. GHOST STORIES??? And by the way… one of Enid’s letters falls to the floor…


The next day- Nora Dalton’s class- Nora is the hottie 25 year old French teacher.  All Jessica can think about during class is how she wants sooo badly to be Homecoming Queen, especially since Bruce is a nominee for king, and Jessica wants nothing more than to get in Bruce Patman’s pants. But Ronnie Edwards is on the nominating committee, and Enid is also nominated for Queen- what to do, what to do? Meanwhile, Ms Lila is bitching over how Nora Dalton is dating her daddy, and now Daddy has NO time for Lila at all! Lila, my babe, old Georgie Fowler never spent time with you BEFORE Nora Dalton either! And Ken Matthews has a tremendous crush on Ms Dalton- which rather than attributing that to the fact that most 16 year old boys would crush on a hottie French teacher, Lila starts implying that Ken and Ms Dalton are gettin’ their freak on! And Cara Walker overhears this , and wants the gossip, but Jess starts talking about Ronnie Edwards being head of the dance committee instead, and asks Cara to talk to Ronnie to basically talk up Jess’s awesome attributes. Cara reminds Jess that Enid is Ronnie’s woman, and Jessica is all ” why does that cute guy want Enid?”

Jess then runs into Bruce Patman at the stairs, and tries saying she lost her necklace that she got for her 16th bday ( of course Liz has a matching one) and Bruce pretty much ignores her, while Winston Egbert, class clown and the guy who is totes crushing on Jess, tries to find the lost necklace instead- HAH HAH Jess! Jessica then comes home in  a ” black mood” and starts talking to Alice Wakefield about how Liz barely has time for her since she became besties with Enid Rollins, and Jess is also eating all of the cherry tomatoes for the salad ( don’t ruin that size 6 figure, Jess!) and as Jessica calls Enid a ” ten eyed hippo” and various other choice insults, Alice Wakefield pretty much ignores Jess’s snide remarks and tells her not to eat all the tomatoes- Alice knows what’s important in life! Incidentally, why is Alice only a part time interior designer? She has three children who all know how to drive, and one is at college- does she really need to only work part time at this point? It’s not as if she is home catering to her children’s needs!

Well, Jessica is now pissed off at Ma Wakefield, and goes into LIZ’S room to sulk, because Jessica’s room is too messy! SO WHAT??? That is just flippin’ stupid! Jessica then notices a piece of paper on the floor and gets MUY curious… what can it be??? Jessica then copies the lovely letter from George Warren to Enid with the Xerox machine in Ned’s office…

Next chapter- Todd and Elizabeth are on a double date, and Ronnie has been a sulky turd all throughout the movie and ” Enid and Ronnie aren’t all over each other like usual” observes Todd. I bet Todd wishes Elizabeth wasn’t such a cold fish. Enid is in the bathoom when Liz goes to see what’s up with Ronnie and Enid. Enid is crying and basically saying that Ronnie is being a douchebag. And Enid says how Ronnie is all posessive and shit because his parents divorced blah blah blah- OK Enid Todd described how once Ronnie flipped when you talked to a pizza man- Ronnie is psycho! Ronnie SUCKS ASS, Enid!

After the movie, Ronnie goes up to Miller’s Point with Enid and starts getting all hands-y and grope- y and is practically ripping off Enid’s crotch and Enid is like whoa man, stop that what is your deal? So Enid is trying to distract Ronnie after Ronnie says ” Oh I heard some interesting things at school” and Enid is all oh yeah supposedly Nora Dalton is bangin’ Ken and I so don’t believe that and Ronnie is all ” SOME people are two faced, I believe anything.” Yeah Ronnie fuck you! So Ronnie is trying to get all nasty again and Enid says to stop and Ronnie goes ” Why because I am not Georgie boy?” God I hate Ronnie! Enid is all ” How do you know about the letters?” and Ronnie pretty much says that doesn’t matter, but he knows Enid deceived him and he can never trust her, and Ronnie dumps Enid as Enid cries and cries over losing this possessive jerk off- aww Enid how terrible it must be to know you will never be an abused wife on Maury!!!!  And Enid then thinks- gee only one person knows about those letters- LIZ WAKEFIELD! So LIZ must have told Ronnie!!! OH NOES!!

The next day, Jessica is all jazzed because she is going to a party of Lila’s and Bruce Patman will be there. Lizzie is all yeah big whoop. As Jessica puts her hair in curlers, she laments the fact that she was not blessed with natural curls! AND I WAS, BITCH!! LOL I have real curls and Jess Wakefield doesn’t!! IN YO FACE! Meanwhile, Liz has been trying to call Enid all day but no one answers the phone. Liz finally reaches Enid, and Enid starts screaming at Liz saying that she knows Liz spilled the beans to Ronnie about the letters- God if Liz DID do that, she did ya a huge favor, Enid baby. But Liz is upset, and starts crying, of course because she did not do any such thing. And then Liz cries in Jessica’s arms as Jessica is all ” Oh God Liz I can’t believe Enid would accuse YOU!” God, Jess is a bitch!

So Li and Jess are at the big party at Lila’s, having French wine. I thought Lila hated French crap- she hates Ms Dalton, after all! Jessica wonders where Bruce is, and Li says that Bruce cancelled at the last minute to go to a party at the college- wow Bruce actually hangs at the college, and the twins’ bro Steven is always hanging out with high school kids!! Hmmm… well, Jessica is pissed but she then spots Ronnie Edwards alone, he tells Jess how he and Enid broke up, and Jess then says well hmmm so you have no date to the dance?? Then let’s go together, baby and Ronnie says sure- gee Ronnie you got over the Enid thing right quick!

On Monday morning, Liz arrives to school all sad because Enid is all pissed at her, and Liz knows she didn’t tell Ronnie anything, and Liz feels like crap. All everyone at school cares about, though, is the rumored affair between Nora Dalton and Ken Matthews. How do the kids really believe this stuff? This is pre Mary Kay Letourneau, after all! The kids then arrive to the room, and it says this on the blackboard” If You Want to Know what a French kiss is, ask Ken Matthews.” Ummm- not that clever, guys! And of course when Ms. Dalton walks into the room and sees that on the board, she runs out of the room crying. Gosh, there is MUCHO crying in this book! At lunch, Enid yells at Liz again, and Jess sees that Liz is really upset, and Jessica says she will talk to Enid for Liz and straighten this whole mess out. And because Elizabeth is trusting and estupido, she agrees to let Jessica talk to Enid. Naturally, instead of repairing the friendship, Jess pretty much tells Enid that maybe Liz let the news about the letters from George slip out ” by accident” and of course Liz wouldn’t be that mean on purpose! What a snake in the grass you are, Jessica! And of course, because Enid is a moron and because Enid knows Jess is so trusting and honest, Enid falls for it and continues to be  pissy.

That night, Ronnie Edwards is calling Jessica and Liz is wondering why. Jessica explains that she is going to be Ronnie’s date to the dance, and she asked Ronnie to go in the hopes that he’d see Enid at the dance and they’d get back together. And Liz falls for that shit! You KNOW Jessica is deceitful as hell, Liz, and hates Enid! Liz is also aware that Jess loves to hang out in Liz’s room and yet the dots still don’t connect for ol’ Lizzie Poo. UGH!!


Next chapter- Liz confides in that sexy strawberry blonde teacher, Roger Collins, and Roger tells Liz that he is sure she will figure out this whole Enid business. Then Olivia Davidson, Ms Hippy Dippy, walks in and starts blabbing about Ken and Ms Dalton, and because Roger Collins has a major boner for Dalton, he flips the fuck out.  After that whole mess, Liz remembers something- in the note George wrote to Enid, George says ” Say hello to my old buddy Winston for me.” So Winston and George were pals once?? Well, that gets Liz to thinking that maybe Winston said something to Ronnie, not realizing the damage it would cause. Winston says he totally didn’t say anything to Ronnie, and he never even talks to Ronnie! Hmmmm….

So now Elizabeth is telling Jess that if both twins don’t clean their rooms they can’t attend the dance! First of all, if I were a parent, that’s what I would tell a 12 year old, not a 16 year old! Secondly, since when do Ned and Alice Wakefield have rules of any sort?? Well, Liz then starts to tidy up a bit, and she sees the letter from George to Enid on the floor- and FINALLY the dots connect- only ONE person goes into Liz’s room… and that’s Liz’s mirror image! Liz is ENRAGED, of course!

Enid then goes to Ms Dalton’s apartment ( how does Enid know where Nora Dalton lives? Creepy) and Enid is asking Nora why she is running away from her probs (as she hasn’t gone to work due to the blackboard stuff) and Nora says she doesn’t know how to face everyone blah blah blah and yes Enid and Nora talk about having rumors spread about them, Nora tells Enid not to judge Liz without a trial and yeah this part is boring and dumb.

So it’s the dance! Enid decides she will go after all, and as she is getting ready, George Warren shows up lookin’ sexy, and he announces that he will be at Sweet Valley College next semester, and he says he will be happy to take Enid to the dance wooooo hoooo! So Enid is happy now!

So yeah the dance- Nora Dalton shows up, and she dances with Roger Collins- HAWT!! Enid and Liz make up- yeah again! And- Jessica wins Homecoming Queen- and Jess is thrilled, sure that Bruce Patman will be her King, and then she will get to attend all school functions with Bruce- but A HA! When Ronnie announces the winner for King- it’s WINSTON EGBERT!! Jessica is FUMING!!!! And of course Liz thinks ” Sweet revenge”- God, Liz is more bitchy than I thought!! Honestly, Jess did do Enid a favor in a way- Ronnie was a possessive tool! Enid should be glad to be rid of him, since now she has sexy George, who will always be faithful and …. ummmm I will shut up now! ( for anyone who does not recall, George later cheats on Enid with a newly thin Robin Wilson).

Anyway, Liz then says she feels the King should kiss the Queen so Winston kisses Jess on the cheek and Win is lovin’ it but Jess is even MORE pissed! But- then Bruce Patman pays Jess the slightest bit of attention, even though he did bring a hottie redhead college woman to the dance ( how friggin lame is that chick??) and Jessica is now VERY EXCITE!!!!


I do have to say this about the cover before I leave ya all- Liz looks to be at least 30 years old in the cover, I am not liking her side ponytail, and I despise the expression on her face! LOVE Jess’s pink phone-it’s almost as cool as the hamburger phone in Juno! OK NOTHING is cooler than the hamburger phone in Juno! And Jessica looks more like Liz’s daughter than her sister on this cover!! Love the wavy hair all down around the shoulders on Jess, though!

Ya know, I realized that I reviewed 2 SVH books in which Enid and Liz have huge arguments and almost never talk again! Although in Book 29, Liz was being really cunty, and in this particular novel, Enid had to all jump to conclusions.


My next review? Sweet Valley U Book Uno!!!! And soon- I will review some Babysitters Club books! BOO YAH!


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