BSC #69- Get Well, Mallory!

This particular Baby Sitters Club book is the one where Mallory gets mono, and as you can guess a book about a girl who spends most of the book in bed sick is not exactly exciting. So here goes it…

We begin with Mallory Pike, one of the 11 year old ” junior members” of the Baby Sitters Club, hanging out with her parents and her 7 siblings- for those who do not know, her 7 siblings are Adam, Byron and Jordan age 10, Vanessa age 9, Nicky age 8, Margo, age 7 and finally Claire, age 5. Mama Pike announces to the Pike kids that for Thanksgiving, they will all being going to New York City to watch the Macy’s parade- they were invited to go by Mama Pike’s cousins! WOOOOO! Of course, Mallory and the rest of the kids are very excited, and it is here that Mal comments on how she has been feeling really tired for the past few weeks, and she has even missed quite a few days of school due to being sick, and Mal really hopes to shake this cold, or flu, or whatever she has soon as Thanksgiving is coming in about a month ( it’s Halloween in the beginning of the book) and of course Mal has tons of babysitting jobs she can’t possibly miss. And by the way in case you didn’t know,  the Baby Sitters Club is Mal’s life. Well, she is 11 so I guess I can forgive her for saying that. Well, Mallory is feeling so draggy and tired that she completely misses Halloween- she is asleep for ALL of Halloween night!!

At the meeting of the BSC the next day, the other BSC’ers cannot believe that Mal slept all through Halloween night! I myself can’t believe that Mal missed out on Trick or Treating- well Mal was supposed to go take Becca and Squirt trick or treating with Jessi, who is Mal’s best friend but Mal was too tired. SUCKY DUCKY! What’s also odd to me is that Mal and Jessi had no interest in trick or treating at 11? Shit, I went trick or treating until I was 15- and I knew kids who still went trick or treating senior year of high school! So to be 11 and in sixth grade and wanting to get as much candy as possible should be expected, right? Of course Mal and Jessi act more like they are 30 than 11.

So it’s the second chapter and shit I am sorry but this is easily the most snarkable chapter as this is the famous chapter when Mallory describes the club members!!! Kristy Thomas is the president of the club, and she is 13 and in 8th grade- in fact all of the girls are 13 except for Mal and Jessi. Kristy is ” full of energy and has a big mouth”-and Mal is soooo not being mean because Kristy herself would say she has a big mouth- SURE she would Mal… sure…. Kristy always wears jeans, a turtleneck, and a sweater every day- it’s her ” uniform” and Kristy is a huge tomboy- but despite being a tomboy she has a boyfriend named Bart who is the coach of ” Bart’s Bashers” a softball team that often battles ” Kristy’s Krushers”- who lets 13 year olds coach softball? Kristy lives with her mom, her millionaire stepdad Watson, her two older brothers Sam and Charlie, her little brother David Michael ( must they call him David Michael? What a mouthful! What’s wrong with just calling him David?) and of course as the Thomas clan must love long names, Kristy’s mom and Watson also have a daughter named Emily Michelle- a 2 year old girl they adopted from Vietnam. Kristy’s grandma, Nanny ( I found Nanny soooo bitchin’ when I was little!) also lives with the family to help care for Emily Michelle, and on weekends and other various days, Watson’s little buggers from his first marriage Karen and Andrew are also living there. And Mal says  ” So some days there are 10 people in their house! They are lucky to live in a mansion!” Ummmm Mallory you dumb cunt there are 10 people in your house ALL THE TIME and since you didn’t say so, I am guessing you don’t live in a mansion. So how do all of you manage??

Claudia Kishi is vice Prez of the club and if you read this blog at all you know she is my sissy’s favorite club member. Claudia is just as funky as all get out- as Mal says, Claudia makes her own paper mache earrings ( and wears them), or she will paint paper clips and wear those as earrings. Claudia is a funky fresh dresser as well, but sadly Mal NEVER describes a Claud outfit in the WHOLE FUCKIN BOOK! DAMN YOU MAL!!! Claudia is an artist and loves junk food, but her parents don’t approve of her love of art or junk food so she has to pretty much hide all of the junk food. I can see not wanting a kid to eat junk food, but what is wrong with art?? Methinks ” the Kish’s” parents need to lay off slightly! Claudia also lives with her genius 16 year old sister Janine who is a genius because she takes some classes at Stoneybrook Community College. Yeah so- our valedictorian was 16 when he graduated from high school and then he went to Cornell- at 16 of course.  So if Janine was a wicked genius, wouldn’t she already be in college? Ah whatever there is just too much to quibble about in terms of BSC books.

Maryanne Spier is the club secretary, and she is boring as all hell. She has a boyfriend named Logan, and they act practically married. Maryanne’s mom died when she was little, so she was raised by her dad Richard. Now Mary Anne’s dad Richard is married to Dawn’s mom, Sharon! And Dawn now lives in CA with her daddy and her bro Jeff and no one really cares because Dawn is even more boring than Mary Anne. Mary Anne has NEVER made a scheduling mistake in the whole time BSC has been running- damn we should have hired Mary Anne at the nursing home I used to work at- our scheduler made mistakes on a daily basis! Mary Anne loves babysitting, cats and Logan and that is about it. Moving on- now that Dawn is out of the club, Shannon Kilbourne the associate member of the BSC (well one of them- she is basically a ” substitute sitter” who takes jobs if no one else can) is going to the meetings, and Mal describes Shannon as ” really interesting looking” because she has blonde curly hair, blue eyes and a ” ski jump nose” – that is an ” interesting look” to Mal? Amy Winehouse can possibly be described as ” interesting looking”- Shannon, not so much! Shannon lives in a mansion right near Kristy’s and she goes to a private school.  And that’s about all Mal can say about ol’ Shannon.

Stacey McGill is originally from New York and her clothes are just so sophisticated and awesome. Stacey is a thin, pretty blonde and she lives with only her mom because her parents are divorced, and Mal says the divorce was ” traumatic” for Stacey. Umm wasn’t Stacey more traumatized when she was diagnosed with diabetes? Eh, I guess not. And Mallory describes diabetes as if every reader were about 6 years old-” Stacey has to give herself injections of something called insulin every day or she can get really sick”-DUH!!!!!! And Stacey can’t eat sweets blah blah blah. It is never mentioned that Stacey should be checking her blood sugar and checking it often- Wilfred Brimley would be soooo pissed if he knew that!! So now on to Jessi- Jessi is a talented ballet dancer, she loves to read horse books by Marguerite Henry, and umm oh yeah- she is black. But of course Jessi’s blackness is totally cool with Mallory. And Jessi also has mean parents who wouldn’t allow her to get her ears pierced until she was 11- just like Mal’s! It’s nice to know that both black and white parents can be such douchebags!

Well, at the meeting, the BSC’ers decide that they should do something nice for the people who live at Stoneybrook Manor which is a nursing home. They decide they are going to visit the residents, sing a song for the old folks, play games, stuff like that. And of course they will bring some kids with them. That does sound like a nice thing to do for the elderly folks- nothing ordinary 13 year olds would probably want to do, but it is quite a nice gesture nonetheless.  Well, after some initial plans are made for the Thanksgiving old folks outing, Mal goes home on her bike.


On Tuesday morning, Mal wakes up and is achy all over. Mallory also noticed two bumps sticking out just under her ears, and she feels like general shit. But Mal has to sit for the Barretts tonight, and she is going to push herself to go to school. But Mrs. Pike notices that Mal looks like shit- she is all pale and sweaty- and says that Mallory has to stay home from school, and Mrs. Pike makes an appointment with Dr. Dellankamp.  The Doc takes some blood tests because Mal’s throat culture shows that Mallory tested negative for strep, but the Doc feels it may be mono or a bacterial infection. By Friday, we get the results and Mallory has MONO- which the other Pike kids say is the “kissing disease” ewwwwwww!!!! The doctor tells Mallory and her mom that she has to stay  in bed for at least a week, if not longer and rest is the only cure for mono. Mallory begins to freak because if she is in bed that long she is going to fail school and miss the Macy’s parade on Thanksgiving! BOOOOO!!!

So, Mallory describes how being in bed all day for such a long time sucks ass. I do like how Mallory describes soap operas- granted, at her age I ADORED ” Another World,” ( if anyone watched ” Another World” and loved it, comment here!), ” All My Children” and ” Guiding Light” but I do have to agree with Mallory that nothing really happens in any soap until Friday, and then of course you have to tune in on Monday because some cliffhanger goes on on Fridays. And this book was written before the ” Jerry Springer” days which any normal 11 year old would LOVE! Granted, Mal is 11 going on 35.  So one day, Mrs. Pike says she is taking Vanessa, Nicky, Byron, Jordan and Adam grocery shopping, so can Mal stay behind and sit for Claire and Margo? DUDE… Mallory is SICK and you want her to rest so you make her BABYSIT? TURD!! But Claire and Margo play doctor and nurse and seem to enjoy it- yeah kind of boring. So then on Sunday, Mallory announces that she feels well enough to go to school although she still feels really tired and draggy…. and then the Pike parents tell Mal the three of them need to have a talk. Basically, the doc says Mal is not recovering as quickly as they had hoped and well basically once Mallory feels better she can attend school- but no extracurricular activities- so that means NO Baby Sitters Club which is Mal’s LIFE!!!! Mallory FREAKS and calls Jessi, and Jessi and Mal cry and whine about how terrible it is that Mallory is not allowed to babysit until she makes a complete recovery and naturally this is a huge fuckin tragedy. Jessi then says there is an emergency meeting of the BSC coming up, and she will tell Mal what the BSC gals ( and Logan!) decide about Mal’s status in the club. And they decide that Mallory will be an honorary member of the club until she is full operational again- how friggin sweet.

So there is some boring entry about how the BSC’ers and the children are making all of these plans for the Stoneybrook Manor thanksgiving extravaganza. Blah, blah blah.  Jessi makes a list of things Mallory can help with from her bed liking making calls for sponsors and shit like that. Meanwhile, Mallory decides that since she cannot be a fully functional BSC member for now, she is going to try to make the gals throw her out of the BSC- the fuck? So when Jessi and Claud stop by to give Mal the list of how she can be involved, Mallory acts all snotty and crap and is like  ” yeah whatever I will do this whenever” and Jessi and Claudia are like OH-KAY.. but soon the girls figure out what Mallory is doing and they all call her and tell her ” cut it out Mal!” and ” We need you!!” and they tell Mal they totally need her help with planning the Stoneybrook Manor event, and Mal is just so grateful that she has the best buddies in the whole goddamn world. Sha la la la!

So this week is Thanksgiving week, and Mal is feeling better each day and going to school and all, but she is not recovering fully at all. So the Pike parents tell Mal and the others that there is no Macy’s parade and no NYC this year, kids, because Mallory is not up for a trip to NYC. So Mallory is all bummed that she can’t go, and that the other kids are upset just because of her GD mono!!

So the next chapter is describing how the sitters and kiddies go to a Sam’s like warehouse store to get goodies for the gift baskets for the Stoneybrook Manor Thanksgiving celebration. The kids suggest buying things like toys and books, and the toys kind of sound like a cute idea because hey anyone would love Legos- but I am not sure 80 year olds are necessarily wanting to read ” Charlotte’s Web”. When I worked at the nursing home 2 and a half years ago, the residents preferred reading People magazine and trashy romance novels- or the men read Tom Clancy novels. No Charlotte’s Web! But ah God bless the kiddies, I guess.

On Wednesday, the Pike kids, some other kids like Marilyn and Carolyn Arnold, the Barretts, Becca and David Michael along with the BSC, go to Stoneybrook Manor and the residents LOVE the song the kids sing as well as the cookies and gift baskets. The day was a success and Mallory was a big help! After the visit to the nursing home, the BSC’ers stop by Mallory and give her a modified Stoneybrook Manor party- she gets a gift basket, plays some of the games and of course the kids sing that great song “make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other’s gold” and Mal feels all touched and shit.

Thanksgiving comes, and though Mallory still has to rest, she enjoys the turkey, stuffing and pumpkin pie as much as the rest of the fam, and missing out on Macy’s wasn’t so bad after all because the kids realize they wouldn’t have been on TV after all. And on Thanksgiving night, the BSC’ers stop by for pie woooooooo!

The next day, Jessi comes over and says that new fliers are being designed for the BSC, and Jessi wanted to know if they can put Mal’s name on the flier. Mallory says that it’s not worth putting Mal’s name on the flier until she is fully allowed back in the club and then ummm the book ends. God, what a major waste of my time that book was! No outfit talk, and half of the book was Mal whining about being sick! LETDOWN!

My next review will be Freshman Dorm #1, and then a Sweet Valley U thriller!! I also will definitely review a LOT more BSC!


3 Responses to “BSC #69- Get Well, Mallory!”

  1. Alicia E. Says:

    Freshman Dorm! I’ve been hoping someone would recap those. It was my favorite series.

    Mallory is lame. I liked this book as a kid because I thought it was the end of Mallory books forever.

  2. I think I liked this book only because I fervently prayed that I, too, would get mono and have to miss tons of school.

  3. girltalkread Says:

    Freshman Dorm was my favorite series as well, Alicia E! And like Di I also hoped to get mono so I’d miss tons of school!

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