Sweet Valley U Thriller- Wanted for Murder

After reading this gem of a book, I have decided that Sweet Valley U thrillers are a hell of a lot more exciting than the Sweet Valley High thrillers. Granted, all of the thrillers still suck, but I sure liked reading this one a lot better than I liked any of the Sweet Valley High thrillers I read. None of these books are exactly John Grisham or Law and Order SVU let me tell ya!

So we begin with Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield getting ready to go to a ski trip to Vail, Colorado. The twins are going with Danny and Isabella  ( if you remember Danny and Iz from my previous SVU reviews you will recall that Danny is Tom Watts’ African American best bud, and Isabella is Jess’s best friend- and Danny and Iz are now DATING! WHAT an interracial couple in Sweet Valley? You don’t say!!) and also with Tom Watts Liz’s perpetually boring ass boyfriend.  Tom is all freaked out because Steven got sick, so he cannot tag along on the trip to Vail and drive with Elizabeth and Jess, and Tom wishes they would just fly to Vail with Danny, Tom and Isabella. But Elizabeth tells Tom that they really do not have the money for that, and as it is it will hard to stretch out their dollars on gas and food for the trip up. The Vail ski trip is to celebrate New Year’s Day, and Jess and Liz don’t have much time to waste to get there.

Meanwhile, a mysterious young drifter who we find out is named Scott Culver is holding up a convenience store in Nevada. The young man takes the cash and ends up shooting the elderly couple behind the counter- as to not leave any witnesses, I am sure. What a sick douchebag, man! But the FBI is on this case as apparently there has been a man robbing convenience stores all through the West, and he is wanted in many states. Jeff Marks, the FBI guy, really wants to catch this douche because the guy killed his fiancee, Summer- she of the blue eyes and raven hair ( she was half Native American- dude doesn’t Summer sound like she’s distantly related to the Wakefields? Hey there are part Native American too!) while she was alone at a restaurant and of course Jeff wants justice for summer. But sorry Jeff you are boring so who cares about the blurb about your investigations so far. You are so not Detective Stabler- you don’t even sound as hot!

Scott’s car breaks down because the radiator is shot. Scott is pissed. But guess who passes by Scott on the interstate? Those beautiful and smart twins, Jessica and Liz Wakefield! Jessica sees Scott with his shirt off and has a fuckin clit boner. Jessica is all ” oh he is stuck and his car won’t run let’s pick him up” and Liz is all ” Hell to the no” at first but Jessica sweet talks Liz into picking up a man they don’t know from Adam. God Liz stop being such a fucking WIMP! You don’t know the guy- screw Jess! But of course Elizabeth must always give in to Jess’s whims like Liz is the Danny Tanner to Jessica’s Michelle.  So after Liz and Jess stop for a piece of pie ( as Liz whines the whole time that she can no longer eat whatever she wants, and thank Go she’s a size 6 again so she best not eat too much pie- yeah again fuck you Liz) they pick up this Scott character who is also at the diner. GRRR!! And of course Scott is headed to Vail too!! What a coincidence! And Scott then suggests that he and the twins can go to Vegas for a night.  Liz is all ” well should we” because they have to get to Vail by New Year’s Eve night and is not sure they will make it, but Scott is all great with directions and shit and says the twins would still make it if they spent one night in Vegas.

So the twins and Scott somehow manage to get a room at Caesar’s Palace all close to the New Year ( don’t ask me how) and Scott is all generous helping to pay for crap.  AND- Scott and Jess share an admittedly STEAMY kiss at the Caesar’s pool and the moonlight is all on the water and crap and it sounds romantic and Scott is just the best kisser ever of course. Too bad Jess didn’t get porked by him but of course when do SVU girls ever get porked? But then as the twins are sleeping Scott is gambling, and ends up losing TONS of money! So Scott is now wicked freaked the fuck out because he needs more cash and he didn’t want to rob a convenience store at this juncture but…..

So the next day Jess, Liz and Scott have to stop for gas at a convenience store somewhere in Bumfuck, Nevada.  Liz goes in there to call Tom and let him know that they are on their way. Liz tells Tom they are with Scott but it’s OK because he is totally a medical student working at a ski lift for winter break. Tom does not feel reassured. Scott tells Jessica to stay in the car, but of course Jessica is fuckin’ dumb and ends up following Scott into the store.  A pretty Native American girl is pouring coffee ( I bet she is some distant cousin to both Summer AND the twins!) and Scott demands the cash. Jessica walks into the store right before Scott shoots the clerk!! OOOOOOHHH!! OH NOES FOR SURE!!!  Liz hears the shot, and Scott says they all best leave now and Liz drops the pay phone and now Tom is freaked out to hell after he hears Liz scream. So the three dimwits (OK two dimwits and some hot drifter murderer who looks good with no shirt on) run to the car and Scott tells Jess and Liz to get in the Jeep- NOW – and Liz notices Scott’s revolver. Oh shit!

So Jeff is still investigating, and news of this crime gets to Jeff. The woman Scott shot is in a coma.  Jeff and his coworker Keisha watch the survelliance video and only one person is shown in the vid- JESSICA!! See, Scott shot the camera right after he noticed it- but not before Jess’s face is seen! So now the FBI is after Jessica AND her twin Elizabeth because Jess was in the video so it would appear that she robbed the place and shot the clerk!! OH NOES OH NOES OH NOES! Soon after that, Jeff finds out Tom is Liz’s man and he tries to ask Tom all of these questions and Tom won’t cooperate because he knows Jess and Liz wouldn’t do what they are accused of and no one is going to put Liz in a corner blah blah blah that’s boring.  And of course Jeff is TOTALLY entranced by Jessica’s face in that video and he can’t believe someone so drop dead hot would be some ruthless robber and killer- yeah the clerk ends up dying. Big shock.

So most of the rest of this book is Scott pretty much holding the twins hostage in their car, then at one point he runs off so Liz and Jess think they can make a run for it and tell the cops, but then when Jess and Liz stop at a truck stop they see that they are the ones who are now wanted for murder, so now they know they can’t tell the cops, and they are going through rugged Nevada terrain trying to escape the cops, the cops even shoot at the Jeep at one point, and then Scott comes back for some odd reason and is all being a douche to the twins and saying they best not talk, and eventually after Jeff gets Tom to talk he realizes that the babely Jessica and her twin would never do what they are accused of, and he has to find Jessica and Liz before they get killed because Scott would obviously have no issues with killing the only witnesses to his latest crime- even though he also admits that Jess was a “‘ fun kid”.

So in the end, the FBI finds the twins right before they are going to drive off a cliff, and then Scott blows a kiss to Jessica and drives off the cliff in a Jon Bon Jovi like blaze of glory, and Jessica and Liz run to Jeff, and Jessica embraces Jeff and now Jeff says everything will be OK. And that’s the end.

If this doesn’t feel like a true recap, readers, I am very sorry but a lot of the book was these various car chases, and Liz and Jess trying to escape the cops, and Jeff investigating and yeah whatever. The really good part is the beginning, when Jessica and Liz first pick Scott up and he and Jess make a sorta sexy time. The rest after that was just drivel if you ask me. And yes Tom Watts is kind of being a douche in not helping Jeff because Jeff is trying to say he can get arrested for obstructing justice and also tries to say if he talks it will help Liz and Tom is all ” but I am not going to say where she is’ well first of all Tom you don’t really know and secondly I don’t see how getting yourself arrested helps your woman! But ah I am now done with reviewing Wanted for Murder, and I am glad Liz and Jess are not in jail- wooo! I wonder if they would get the death penalty!

Well, readers, next I will be reviewing quite a few Babysitters Club books, and I also have some more Freshman Dorm and Sweet Valley High to review. And I found BUNCHES more Freshman Dorm on Amazon.com- wooooo! And if I find my favorite book when I was 12, Tiger Eyes, on Amazon I MUST recap that as well!! Not that I can snark on my Judy, but’s worth a recap!!


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