Sweet Valley High #46-Decisions

Oh God this cover is so darn ” snarkable” it’s not even funny! Robin Wilson resembles Justine Bateman during the Family Ties days, but kind of trashier than that. And why does George Warren look like a 50 year old Matt Damon? Or maybe even Stephen Collins, the dad from 7th Heaven. Either way he’s supposed to be 18 and not 50- he even is rockin some gray hair!

At the beginning of this fine novel, Jessica tells Liz she will have to get a ride from Jeffrey French, Liz’s man ( I LOVED Jeffrey French when I was 16!) because Jessica has a babysitting job to go to. Steven knows some dude who needs someone to watch his little sister while he is studying his music, and as Jess has no money she eagerly accepts the job. Now, how come these fuckin twins never have money? They should either get jobs at Lisette’s or the Dairi Burger, or come on Neddy Boy Wakefield is a lawyer, right? I remember when I was younger I kind of figured lawyers would only rake in about as much as my dad does as a machinist since it seemed that the Wakefields were always like struggling or something-God, can’t each twin at least have her own Fiat?????

Meanwhile, we learn that Robin Wilson is fuckin brilliant, and she gets straight A’s, and has the option of leaving Sweet Valley High before her senior year to attend college. Robin applied to Sarah Lawrence early decision, and got in! And her rich aunt Fiona will pay for all of the tuition if Robin goes to Sarah Lawrence because Aunt Fiona and Robin’s grandma went there. But Robin feels torn because she wants to continue her diving ( so Sarah Lawrence has no diving?) and study computers, which again apparently Sarah Lawrence has no computers or comp classes, so Robin may want to try for a diving scholarship and go to UCLA. But then Fiona wouldn’t pony up all this cash- but if Robin is a diver, and wicked smart, she’d get mad financial aid, wouldn’t she? God this book is fuckin dumb. But I chose to review it so…. Robin is also torn because if Robin goes to Sarah Lawrence, she would leave George Warren, her devoted, cheated on Enid with Robin, boyfriend who attends Sweet Valley College- now doesn’t Steven Wakefield go to SVC? Why does it seem that he never hung out with George Warren? They both love going after high school girls, they should build on that common bond and be friends!

So Jessica arrives to Alex Kane’s house. ( Alex Kane is the older brother of Allison, the girl Jess will baby sit for- too bad the BSC lives in CT and not Sweet Valley!) and Alex is fuckin HOT! Alex is also super into music and pretty much says that for him to like a girl she has to also love music.  Jess knows shit about music. But Jessica hears Allison play the recorder and figures shit if a 6 year old can play- so can Jessica! So Jessica decides that the way to Alex’s heart is learning the recorder!! I guess Sweet Valley kids are never forced into learning the recorder as we are in CT- otherwise, Jess would have obviously made it to 16 and knew what a recorder was! I cannot believe that Jess had no idea what a recorder was until she saw the 6 year old play it!

Back to Robin. Robin and George are going out for a cozy evening at the Dairi Burger. Robin tries to bring up her college dilemma to George, and George just says ” well you can go to UCLA, Robin.” Robin says she doesn’t really know how she’d pay for UCLA and George is like ” well get scholarships and loans- or how about your rich aunt?” Robin says that Aunt Fiona’s cash always comes with strings attached and George is all ” Well what will she do make you go to a certain college? Ummmm yeah George that is KIND of what Robin is trying to tell you, douchebag. But Robin decides not to tell George about how she may consider going to Sarah Lawrence, and so George still does not know that Robin got into that school early decision. Now, Annie Whitman and the Wakefield twins do know- which becomes important. Read on…

Jessica buys the recorder. When Elizabeth sees the recorder, she remembers how she saw two girls do a recorder duet on the beach once- SERIOUSLY??? and Elizabeth picks it up, looks at the manual really quickly, and plays a few notes- and what do you know- Liz is a recorder NATURAL! But Elizabeth realizes that she cannot possibly pick up playing the recorder, because Jessica would have a fit because it seems that Liz is good at every fucking thing and overshadows Jess, and Liz does not want Jess to feel bad because Jessica apparently sucks ass at the recorder. Don’t worry Jessica I do not have a musical bone in my body, so I am feelin’ ya sista!

In our next scene, Elizabeth is at the library and runs into George. Elizabeth tells ol’ Georgie pie that he must be so proud that Robin got into Sarah Lawrence. George’s expression tells Liz that George had no friggin clue that Robin got into Sarah Lawrence, and now Liz feels like a turd for saying anything. Meanwhile, at Robin’s humble abode, Mrs. Wilson goes on and on about how Aunt Fiona is going to get the kitchen remodeled for the fam because Robin is going to attend Sarah Lawrence. Wow- Mama Wilson is pimping her daughter out for a kitchen! Robin says she is not really sure she wants to attend Sarah Lawrence and is feeling torn about having to leave George and possibly not dive anymore, and Mrs. Wilson calls her selfish and immature- WHAT???? I LOVE Sweet Valley parents- they rate right up there w/ the ‘rents of Stoneybrook, let me tell ya. And more swell news- Aunt Fiona is coming to visit next week to celebrate both a gallery opening in LA and Robin’s admission to Sarah Lawrence! Robin is none too thrilled. George arrives to pick Robin up, and George confronts Robin by saying ” My girlfriend wants to break up with me, and doesn’t even have the courage to say so” or some shit like that. George tells Robin he knows about Sarah Lawrence, and Robin figures that since Annie knew about it, Annie told George to break them up- WHAT? Why would Robin think that her best bud would do something like that? God, this reminds me of how I couldn’t stand Robin even at age 13, never mind now. George starts saying that Robin wants to go to UCLA and Robin should just tell Aunt Fiona that. But the thing is, Robin is not really sure what she wants to do at this point, and feels that both Georgie AND Aunt Fiona are trying to rule her life. And Robin has the diving championships in one week, and this college crap has her so torn up inside that she has not really been concentrating on diving.

At cheerleading practice, Robin will not talk to Annie. Robin confronts Annie and calls her a traitor and Annie has no clue what Robin is talking about. Jessica knows that Liz knew, and that Liz told George but of course Jess isn’t going to say that to Robin.

Then we have diving practice. Tracy King is Robin’s biggest rival, and is trying to psych Robin out. Robin’s coach sees that Robin is upset, and Robin tells the coach her worries. Coach says that it’s a hard decision, but she needs to concentrate at doing well at the diving championships. 

Jessica is at the beach babysitting for Allison, and is lamenting about how Alex still will not pay any attention to her to Lila. This scene is shitty. Moving on- Elizabeth is at home and is bored with studying- WHY LIZ WHY? So Liz begins to play the recorder and is playing for about an hour before Jessica comes home. Alice Wakefield later comments on how Jessica really seems to be picking up the recorder, but it’s odd because later on it sounded worse than the beginning. Of course, Liz knows that’s because Alice heard Liz play well, and then Jessica biting. Liz hopes Jessica never finds out about Liz’s love for that fuckin recorder!

Jess is at another babysitting job with Allison, and tries to ask Alex advice about the recorder. Since all Alex cares about is writing his shit symphony, Alex barely pays her any attention.

The big day arrives- Aunt Fiona is here! Now, guys, I definitely want comments comparing Aunt Fiona and Aunt Cecilia. Who does everyone feel is the bigger bitch? Now, first I must describe Fiona’s visit. Fiona first says she doesn’t like how Mrs. Wilson decorated the living room. She then brags about how she flew first class to CA. She then tells Robin she is glad Robin finally ditched that ” baby fat” of hers. Robin tells Aunt Fiona about how much she loves diving, and Fiona pretty much says diving is low class trash, and at Sarah Lawrence Robin can get into cultural events and forget diving. Aunt Fiona also criticizes Mrs. Wilson ( Irene) about the romance novel on her coffee table, and Irene says that her neighbor, Mrs. King, ( Tracy’s ma!) recommended the book and Auntie says it figured because they have a tacky carriage boy statue in the front yard. This also becomes important later on. So Irene and Fiona begin discussing how Irene wants to redecorate the living room. Mrs. Wilson was going to enlist Alice Wakefield’s help in the design, and Aunt Fiona says she hopes the designer is not ” some housewife who took some correspondence courses”- HAH HAH HAH Aunt Fiona! Robin then mentions that she hopes Aunt Fiona can go to her diving championship, and Fiona says diving is a waste of time and energy- God Fiona is being a cuntbag!

Jessica is at Alex’s house and decides to pretend to faint to get his attention. Oddly enough, this works and Alex finally does notice Jess! Then he says that he is going to Julliard next year and will Jess wait for him for a year while he is gone? Jessica is pretty much like fuck you and now that Jess has lost interest in Alex, the recorder is no longer at all interesting either- it’s a boring instrument anyway, Jess decides. When Jess arrives home, she catches Lizzie playing the recorder, and Liz is all freaked out. Jessica says Liz can play the recorder all she wants as she has lost interest. So the B plot is over. 

Robin, her brothers Troy and Adam, Mama Wilson and Auntie Cuntbag- I mean, Fiona go to a fancy restaurant to celebrate Robin’s acceptance into SL. Robin finally breaks down and tells Aunt Fiona she is honestly not sure if she is going to attend Sarah Lawrence or not. Fiona and Irene have a fuckin fit over this, and Aunt Fiona says that it’s her money, so she decides how it’s spent, and it will only be spent if Robin goes to Sarah Lawrence. Robin then says ” I’d rather starve to death than take your money” and runs out of the restaurant. Robin calls George for comfort, and he starts blabbing about how Robin’s fam can’t ruin ” their” plans and send her to college 3,000 miles away. Robin is like ” wow this confirms it. George is also trying to control where I attend school.” George Warren sucks ass and he’s always sucked ass. He is no Jeffrey French!! 😉 When Robin gets home, Liz calls Robin to tell her that Annie Whitman is not the one who told George about Robin getting into Sarah L. Liz found out that Robin thought Annie told George through Enid at the DB earlier that day. Robin is glad Liz called, and feels bad that she bitched Annie out for no reason.

It’s the day of the diving championship. George is there to cheer Robin on, as are a bunch of the cheerleaders, but her fam is nowhere to be seen. Robin starts diving really poorly as she cannot concentrate, and Tracy King is gloating about beating Robin. While at the meet, Liz and George talk, and Elizabeth tells George how Robin has been pretty torn up over this college shit, and George finally realizes that he’s been a tool- yeah Liz saves the day! George says that he has to somehow salvage this meet and do something about Robin and her family.

What George does is he gets Robin’s family to attend the diving championships!! He gets them to attend by mentioning Tracy King, and Aunt Fiona goes because that family of the tacky statues is not gonna win over Robin! So the family cheers Robin on, and Robin does better and better and ends up getting a perfect 10, and beating Tracy! WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! George tells Robin he realizes what a tool he’s been, and Robin decides that she does not want to miss senior year at SVH, and she will not graduate early to go to Sarah Lawrence OR UCLA-woooooo hoooo! Who wants to miss senior year at SVH anyway???? And all is right in the world of Robin Wilson- at least until she becomes anorexic….


My next three reviews are as follows- yet another BSC review, followed by 2 Freshman Dorm books! God, I LOVE Freshman Dorm! I plan to get more Freshman Dorm books from Amazon!


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