Sweet Valley Twins #1- Best Friends

Although I read Sweet Valley Twins books until I started high school ( and I read plenty between the ages of 10-14 believe me) Book #1 is still my favorite! So for another trip down Memory Lane…

Jessica and Elizabeth are walking home from school. Elizabeth is super jazzed because Mr. Bowman is letting Elizabeth start a newspaper for 6th graders- what school would allow a newspaper for just the friggin 6th grade class- but whatever. Elizabeth is all shocked because Jessica doesn’t want to write for the paper- well DUH! Elizabeth, you are jessica’s identical twin! You REALLY thought Miss Jessica Wakefield, who can barely spell, wants to write for a school paper? At this point, it is mentioned that Jess and Liz are best friends- they walk to and from school together, watch the same TV shows, dress alike and share a room- yes these twins dress alike at age 12! LAME!!!

When the twins arrive home, Lila Fowler calls and Jessica is all excited because Li is a member of the Unicorn Club- the most fabulous club in school. Hardly any 6th graders get to join, but Lila and some other gal, Ellen Riteman, are 6th graders and they are in the club. Jessica hopes she gets asked to join as well. At dinner, Jessica mentions that the twins are taking ballet at school, and Mrs. Wakefield says that maybe Jessica and Elizabeth would like to take lessons at the Dance Studio in town as well, and both girls say that would be just groovy ( OK they don’t say groovy). Liz then mentions the school paper and says that she is going to ask Julie Porter and Amy Sutton if they want to write for it, and Jessica says they are both nerds and Liz gets heated. Moving on…

At school the next morning, Bruce Patman calls both of the twins “blondie.” Jessica finds Bruce dreamy, Liz thinks Bruce is a total asshat- which, of course, he is an asshat. At lunch, Jessica and Elizabeth are actually going to sit at SEPERATE tables- Jessica got asked to sit with Ellen and Lila from the famed Unicorn Club at lunch, and Elizabeth was going to sit with Amy and Julie to discuss the newspaper. So off they go to sit with their seperate groups of friends- oh no, the twins are SEPERATING ( seriously, you will see this is how Liz reacts throughout the book, and it’s hella annoying). During lunch, Caroline Pearce goes over to sit with Liz, Amy and Julie and says that Roberta Manning ( some random ass 8th grade girl) got kicked out of the Unicorn Club for sneaking out to be with a HIGH SCHOOL BOY!! What a TRAMP! Liz says she doesn’t get why the Unicorns would kick her out for that, as most of the girls are dying to go out with high school boys ( wow I guess the Unicorn Club is really the ” Skank Club?” ) and Caroline said this boy made fun of the Unicorns- with good reason, I say! I never knew 8th grade girls who called themselves cool with dress in purple and name their club after a unicorn- sophisticated 8th graders are totes into Unicorns? OH-KAY…

After school the next day, Elizabeth is waiting for Jess to leave school so that they can clean their room together- what fun. Elizabeth is waiting and waiting… and Jessica is heading to the Dairi Burger with good ol’ Lila Fowler. Janet Howell is there to meet Li and Jess, and Janet  ( the kick ass Unicorn Club prezzie) is there to announce that there are now 2 Unicorn Club vacancies and Jessica is being asked to join- but first she has to do three ” pledge tasks” before they can allow her to join- what is this a college sorority in the South- but anyway here are the tasks- Jessica has to hide Mrs. Arnette’s lesson plan book and then put it back in Arnette’s bag without the teacher ever seeing her- and apparently Mrs. Arnette keeps that lesson plan book with her at all times. Mrs. Arnette is called ” the Hairnet” as one is always secured over her bun- how ODD is that? The next task is that Jessica has to get three girls to use the boy’s bathroom somehow- and they have to go all the way in! And lastly, Jessica has to go to school one day looking COMPLETELY different from her sister- OH NO! She has to look different than Liz??? And Jess cannot tell ANYONE about these pledge tasks- not even Elizabeth. Jessica then asked if Elizabeth is the other girl who will be asked to join the club and Janet says no they are asking Tamara Chase. Besides, Liz is so not Unicorn Club material, and Jessica has to agree with that.

So on to pledge task #1- Jessica pulls that off with help from WINSTON EGBERT of all people- he gets Arnette to talking about her time in the WAC’s ( Women’s Army Corps) during WWII, she gets distracted, and Jessica pulls that task off easily. Jessica also succeeds in pledge task #2.

Finally it’s time for ” pledge task” three and Jessica pulls that off by staying in bed and telling Elizabeth she can decide what they will wear and they will wear yellow sweatsuits- how very- ummm- Kristy Thomas. Jess puts on  ” an entirely different” outfit- we never are told what the outfit looks like- and she curls her hair and puts on mascara and lip gloss- wow, hot! And SO DIFFERENT! Ma and Pa Wakefield say Jess looks great, and even Steven is glad to see the twins looking different. Liz is all ” I want to curl my hair too” and Mrs. Wakefield says there isn’t time. Liz is all friggin hurt that Jessica looks different than she does now- yeah, cry me a fuckin river Liz. And Bruce Patman lets out a wolf whistle when he sees Jess- SCHWING!

Elizabeth decides yeah maybe it is time than the twins start being a little different, and Liz decides to pull her hair back from her face with a clip- so DIFFERENT and funky fresh, Liz! Lois Waller says Liz looks awesome. After school, Elizabeth and Jessica have their first ballet lesson at the dance studio and Jess decides she will impress the HELL out of Madame Andre by wearing a purple leotard with lavendar leg warmers ( LEG WARMERS ROCK!!) and barrettes with purple ribbons on them, along with about a pound of makeup. Instead of being suitably impressed with Jess’s bitchin’ ” Solid Gold” look, Madame Andre bitches Jessica out in front of the whole fuckin class and says Jessica MUST have her hair completely up, and only black and pink leotards are allowed- and NO makeup- hey, Madame is running a ballet school, not tryouts for “America’s Next Top Model”!! Jessica is really upset over this of course and with good reason- I LOVE that outfit!

At school the next day, Caroline tells Liz that Jessica is now a member of the Unicorn Club and Liz is all upset because Jessica didn’t even tell Elizabeth she was going to join! Liz starts CRYING because now Jessica won’t be spending every free minute up Liz’s behind- what a tragedy! Elizabeth talks to her mom about this, and Ma Wakefield says that sisters having seperate interests is very normal, and they are growing up and yes they may spend time apart but they will always love each other and be best friends. Seems like Elizabeth is not really buying it.

The next morning, ROBERTA MANNING aka trampy ex Unicorn, calls and asks for STEVEN! Jessica wants to rag on Steven about it, but Elizabeth says not to because Steven seems pretty upset lately and it may be over Roberta. And Steven made fun of the Unicorns, remember?  Later, Jessica says she will try to get Elizabeth into the Unicorn Club because Liz doesn’t want to see less of Jessica. GROAN!! Liz is saying for almost the whole book that the Unicorns are snotty asshats, and she wants to join now to be with Jess all the time? GRRRR… So that day while Jess is at her UC meeting, Amy and Liz decide to call the paper ” The Sweet Valley Sixers” – naturally it’s Liz’s idea, and because Liz thought of the idea, Amy loves it.

The Unicorns agree they will ask Elizabeth to join- albeit very reluctantly because Jessica says if they don’t ask Liz to join she may have to drop out and Janet Howell says it looks bad to the club if a Unicorn drops out.  At lunch, Janet tells Elizabeth that she has just one pledge task- ask Lois Waller aka the school fatty, to go to the Dairi Burger after school. Elizabeth is to then replace Lois’s whipped cream with shaving cream. Liz says that’s way too mean to do, and refuses. Elizabeth then leaves the table, and Jessica says ” Believe me Liz will do it!”  Jess- honey- if I were you I would just let Liz not join- you know Elizabeth is not a Unicorn kinda babe. Drop it. But of course she won’t.

So how is ” Elizabeth” going to feed Lois shaving cream? Well, she isn’t- Jessica dresses as Liz, and she is the one who asked Lois to meet her at the Dairi Burger after school. Jessica succeeds in replacing Lois’s whipped cream with shaving cream, Lois gags as she tries it and everyone laughs at Lois and seriously as the kid who was constantly taunted in middle school, I really felt sooo bad for Lois and felt the Unicorns played one rotton trick on Lois. And Lois cries because she thought Elizabeth was really a friend, and of course she doesn’t know that’s really Jess. Poor Lois!

Following is more dance class drama- basically, Madame Andre completely ignores Jessica and praises Liz. Whatever. So then Jessica announces that Liz is in the Unicorn Club, and Liz says she is glad to get in without having to play such a mean trick on Lois. Boy Elizabeth you don’t know your sis well AT ALL because I think I would have probably figured Jess played an ol’ switcheroo to get in if I were Elizabeth! But that evening at the Unicorn Club meeting in Ellen’s room ( incidentally, Ellen has rainbows ALL OVER HER ROOM! In SIXTH GRADE! When I was in 6th grade, I had a Def Leppard poster and pics of Jay Ferguson from the Outsiders TV show everywhere, and like flowered sheets- not RAINBOWS!) but yeah anyway Ellen then says she’s sorry she missed Elizabeth covering Lois’s sundae in shaving cream. Liz can’t believe it, and she figures out what Jess did and runs out of the room crying- yeah Liz cries a LOT in this book but eh in 6th grade I could be a crier myself! Elizabeth has another heart to heart with her mother, and Ma Wakefield says that Elizabeth knew the Unicorns were not for her and AGAIN it’s OK FOR SISTERS TO NOT DO EVERYTHING TOGETHER!!! This time, Liz seems to wake up and smell the coffee and gets jazzed again about getting to do the paper with Julie and Amy. Liz also calls Lois to apologize and says it was not her, it was Jessica, and talks Lois out of dropping out of Sweet Valley Middle School and going to a private school- besides, wouldn’t private school kids make fun of Lois for being a chunky gal, as well? But yeah Liz SAVES THE DAY- well, where Lois is concerned. Elizabeth also tells Lois not to worry because she has a trick up her sleeve as well for those Unicorns.. and Liz also says Lois can write for the Sixers, as naturally that would solve anyone’s issues!

Elizabeth then tells Jess she will quit the UC- but ONLY if Jessica apologizes to Lois, and if she does not, Elizabeth will tell the UC- AND Mrs. Wakefield- that Jessica is one who pulled that shaving cream trick on Lois. So Jessica does apologize. Next, Jessica and Elizabeth are arguing loudly because Jess won’t clean her room- and then Ma and Pa Wakefield say that the solution is- they are converting the guest bedroom so that Elizabeth can have that room- so the twins get seperate bedrooms- WOOOOO HOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Yeah, about time. And Steven finally tells the twins about his hot romance with Roberta- and it ended because Roberta wanted to go after some COLLEGE dude- EWWWWWWWWWW!!!!! Roberta really thought some college kid would want an 8th grader?? Well maybe if he wants to go on ” To Catch a Predator!” But Steven is cool with it because he met a hot sophomore girl in bio class- HOT! And Roberta dropped out of the UC because Janet Howell wanted to make a sexy time with Steven!!! OOOOHH SCANDAL!!!

So Liz’s revenge on the UC? Lois says she wants to invite the girls for ice cream at the Dairi Burger to show there are no hard feelings and she’s a good sport. Lois gets the sundaes, and Elizabeth takes off the whipped cream from Lila’s sundae and puts shaving cream on it!! HAH HAH HAH HAH! Lila FREAKS OUT when she tastes the shaving cream, and everyone laughs at Lila and Elizabeth learns that yes revenge is the best thing to do at all times!! AWWWWW YEAH!!! I LOVED that scene the best when I was reading this at age 11 I am SERIOUS!

The book ends with Madame Andre annoucing auditions for a ballet called ” Coppelia” and Jessica is DETERMINED to be the star. Will she be? Find out in my next book review!

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3 Responses to “Sweet Valley Twins #1- Best Friends”

  1. I love how, like, Lois Waller is destined to be made fun of WHEREVER she goes. And what the heck was Steven doing trying to hang around with kids Liz and Jess’s age even then?!?

  2. girltalkread Says:

    Yeah, poor Lois Waller!!! I just felt so bad for her in this book, especially! And yeah why WAS Steven dating younger girls even then? But how shocking is it that he ended up dating a 10th grader in this book???? And in Sweet Valley U ( at least what I read, he did have a GF his age for once!!!)

  3. What’s this shit about sisters not having to do everything together? I was not informed of this.

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