SVU Thriller Edition- Very Bad Things

How does one describe this novel? Well, let’s just say that to me, this book is a great combo of that Shannen Doherty movie ” Friends Till The End” and ” The Craft”- and yes that means this book is utter crap. 

I am just going to give a background right now on what the main character featured here is all about- a formerly mousy computer nerd named Leslie decides to transfer to SVU from Tulane University to follow this dude named Parker. Leslie gets plastic surgery to look like some Tulane hottie named Gia Allen- so Leslie is now Gia Allen- a pretty name for a pretty girl- or something. Now Leslie dated this guy Parker for a brief while, but sounds like Parker is really into blondes so he gives Leslie the old heave ho- she goes insane over it and keeps sending him wacky letters, is stalking him all over campus, and Parker has to transfer to SVU to escape Leslie- but Leslie ( now Gia) finds out that Parker transferred to SVU, and our tale now begins…

Gia first sees Jessica bouncing around outside of the Theta sorority house. Gia instantly hates Jess because she represents those perky blonde sorority girls that Parker loved- and Gia cannot stand!! ( I am totes agreeing with Gia here!!!!)

Jessica is now a sophomore who lives in an off campus condo with a guy named Neil (  I read in another blog that he is Jessica’s gay best friend- but Neil is hella boring in this book), another guy named Sam ( not to be confused with Sam Woodruff Jessica’s high school lovah who Liz kills), and Elizabeth. Incidentally, Sam really wants to make a sexy time with Elizabeth but Elizabeth is not having it. And Jessica works at the Yum Yum Cafe with Parker ( yes the dude that Leslie/Gia went psycho on) and of course Parker wants to bang Jessica more than he’d want a million bucks. Basically half this book goes on and on about how Parker finds Jess so sexy and Sam wants to bang Liz badly because yeah yeah the Wakefield twins are totally hot- WE GET IT FRANCINE!!!! And then we are lead to wonder why Gia wants to ruin Jessica’s life?? Hmmmm… Jessica is trying to be more serious and into school, and she is through with dating guys after her many freshman year disasters. So she does not return Parker’s affections, much to his chagrin.

Now it’s more of Leslie’s backstory- her parents died in a car crash when she was a baby, she lived in foster homes, her uncle rejected her because her aunt didn’t like her, her uncle bought her a computer to make up for the fact that he was married to an uptight wench, and Leslie became gifted in computers. Blah blah blah…

So at Yum Yum, this girl Chloe walks in. Chloe is a member of Jess’s sorority and HELLA FUCKING ANNOYING! Chloe really wants to get with Sam, and she pretty much shows up anyplace where Sam is- wow, she is kinda Leslie stalker-ish! Chloe pretty much only wants to date Sam because he is good looking, and the other Thetas would be jealous that she had a hot boyfriend. Chloe is totes one of those wannabe types who pretty much wants to fit in at any cost- and again she is totally annoying. Sam pretty much is always telling Chloe that it ain’t happenin- and ummm Chloe my dear- if Sam wants a Wakefield twin- forget it- you will never win!

Lila is telling Jessica at Yum Yum about how they are planning a brunch for the newest Theta sisters. Gia is one of them- a transfer Theta from Tulane. Denise Waters is now the President of Theta, and Alexandra Rollins ( it’s sooo odd to think of Enid the drip as cool Alexandra), Jessica and Lila are also Theta officers. Jessica says she can get Yum Yum to donate tons of yummy pastries and what not and Stanley the owner will give her a discount for the publicity and all that. Good times. Lila gives Jessica the money to put into her account and tells Jess she better not spend it on clothing. Jessica is all ” Oh Lila I have changed” and Lila is like ” yeah OK.”

Later at the sorority house, Denise tells Chloe that she is getting a new roomie- Gia Allen.  At the cafe, Jessica asks Parker for help in getting the pastries from the Yum Yum distributors for the brunch and of course he enthusiastically agrees because he wants to bone Jess. God so many parts of this book are soooo boring!

Gia has only been at the sorority house for half an hour and has the girls eating out of the palm of her hand. Gia says she used to be a Wiccan, and Wiccans do not practice black magic- they worship a god or goddess and they believe in being one with the earth and all of that.  Gia also does say that Wiccans do cast spells- but refuses to tell the girls what the spells involve or what they are for.  Gia and Chloe are then in their room, and Chloe tells Gia that Parker at Yum Yum went to Tulane as well and they should meet!! Chloe also asks if Gia knew Parker, and Gia tells Chloe she only liked to date seniors so she wouldn’t have been into Parker the sophomore. Chloe says they can go to Yum Yum in an hour to meet Parker and Jessica and of course Gia cannot wait to get to her man again!

More banter and sarcasm between Sam and Liz. Liz tells Sam to be nicer to Chloe and Sam thinks of Chloe as an annoying freshman- basically, Sam acts as if he’s about 35 and Chloe is 15. Liz says Chloe may be a freshman but she is not a kid.

When Gia sees Parker at Yum Yum, she recalls how when she first met Parker, she already knew that she’d met the love of her life. How interesting.  We also hear how Gia got a nose job and took voice lessons so that Parker wouldn’t even know who she was from her voice. SMART!  Gia is trying to get Parker’s attention and he is barely noticing she is alive because Jess is around. Basically, Parker CLEARLY only has eyes for Jess but Gia is not going to give up that easily! Parker is her soulmate, and Jessica Wakefield will NOT get in her way!

Sam arrives home to find Gia at his condo hanging out with Jessica. Sam is VERY EXCITE and thinks Gia is really hot- hey Sam is reasonable- if Liz won’t give him a piece, maybe Gia will. Of course, Gia doesn’t know Sam is alive as she wants to get Parker- Parker, her soulmate!

Next scene- Gia is hanging out with Jess while she is at work. Gia is talking about how she loves jazz and basically would go to all of the same places at Tulane that Parker went to! Jessica suggests that Parker and Jess take Gia on a tour of Sweet Valley- but Parker gets off work before Jess, so Parker can show Gia around SVU and then Jess will show her the good shopping!!! Gia is excited now- an hour alone with Parker aww  yeah… Parker does not seem as excited because Gia is not his precious Jess.

Chloe is now alone in her and Gia’s room, and Chloe finds one of Gia’s Wiccan spell books.  Chloe finds spells on how to make a man fall in love with you. Gia finds that Chloe is looking at the books, but is not mad. Chloe asks Gia if she will help Chloe cast a spell to make Sam fall in love with her, and Gia says she will consider it- but she has to get ready to go on the tour with Parker first.  During the tour, Parker pretty much talks about Jessica the whole town and it is driving Gia bananas! Next, Jessica arrives to take Gia shopping.  Jessica spots this cute red dress at Gloria Cole, and is determined to buy it. Gia sees Jess try on the dress and thinks that if Parker sees Jessica in that dress he will really go wild with desire. So as Jessica goes to take the dress off, Gia sticks Jessica with a pin from the dress!! Of course, Jessica does not know Gia stuck her with the pin  ( and got blood on the dress) and Gia tells the salesgirl how Jess got stuck with a stray pin from the dress. Gia then tells Jess to try on a brown dress instead, although Jessica insists she looks shitty in brown ( wait was that a bad pun?) The dress fits, and Gia convinces Jess that she looks awesome in it so Jess buys the dress. When Gia returns, Chloe asks again about casting a spell. Gia says she has cast spells, and they have not worked and that spells can backfire. Chloe tells Gia they can try at least one more time, and Gia agrees, thinking that Chloe is playing right into her hands.  Chloe goes to a Wiccan type store, and the woman in the store says one should never cast a spell to make someone fall in love with them, because one cannot go against the will of someone else or else it can have dire consequences. OMINOUS!

Gia signs up for art history to be in class with Parker- of course, he is already saving a seat for Jess, who also takes art history. It is actually really vomit inducing how into Jessica Parker is.  Gia is then with her study partner, Rob, who she cons into doing their whole art history project while Gia does a project on her own- first,  Gia hacks into the computer and deletes Jessica from the records at SVU- wipes out her class schedule and any evidence that Jess goes to that school! DAMN- that makes Gia even more bitchin than Zan in ” Friends Till the End” if you ask me!! Gia went with Jessica when she went to the bank to put the money Lila gave her for the brunch, so Gia has Jess’s banking info- and freezes Jessica’s bank account! HARDCORE! She also cancels all of Jessica’s credit cards, and even her information at the DMV! DAMN!!!

Back at the sorority, Chloe is mixing up some potion and this snotty girl who just loves her hair, Tara, is complaining about the smell of the potion. And BTW Tara loving her own hair is important later on.  Then the girls are sitting around talking about makeup, and Gia muses to herself how boring and dumb all of these girls are- and you know they SO are! Gia kicks ass! Then, Jessica tells Tara that her hair is so curly and long and sexy, and Jess is jealous of it. Then Jess mentions that she has this green apple shampoo that smells so great and it would be awesome on Tara’s hair and Tara says she wants to borrow it for a date tonight. Jessica said she will bring it to the sorority house.  Then another sorority sister, Elise, asks Jess if they can talk privately for a moment upstairs ( THIS IS A SCENE JUST LIKE FRIENDS TILL TO THE END!!) and Gia hides in a closet to hear the convo- Elise confesses to Jess that she cheated on her man, but tells Jess to promise not to tell anyone as it’s too humilating! Jessica promises that she won’t tell a soul- God it’s so obvious where THIS is going!

Liz and Sam are in the kitchen about to have lunch, and Chloe walks into their places and dives herself in between Liz and Sam  and knocks Sam’s sandwich over! God, Chloe is such an annoying psycho!  Later, Gia and Chloe do some “Wiccan ritual” where basically Gia welcomes Chloe into the coven, and she pricks blood from Chloe’s finger blah blah blah… as I said, very ” Craft” about life. But a lot more boring.

Next chapter- Sam is letting Liz drive his prized MG Midget. We get some background on how he loves that car more than life. When Liz and Sam stop at Yum Yum, Gia is there giving a look that Sam thinks looks like she really hates Elizabeth.  Now remember- Gia doesn’t know Jessica is a twin…  Next is more crap about how Chloe will put a spell on Sam’s toiletries to get Sam to fall in love with her. PSYCHO BITCH! PSYCHO BITCH! CHLOE’S A PSYCHO BITCH! And at least Gia has some warped idea that Parker is her soulmate- Chloe only wants Sam because it’d impress her stupid sorority sisters! Chloe then suggests that Gia and Chloe go to Sam’s place together so that they can tell Jess they are there to help with the sorority brunch! Gia convinces Jessica to wear the brown dress to the brunch, since Parker is going to help Jess get the stuff for the brunch and Parker hates brown- but it backfires! Parker thinks Jess looks hot!! Jessica and Parker go over to the warehouse to pay for the food, and all of Jessica’s credit cards are rejected- even the one Ned Wakefield gave her! Jess then says she will go to the ATM, and she finds out that it says her account is down to 0, and she’s 1,000 bucks in arrears! Jessica is dumbfounded! Jessica calls Lila to get her to use Li’s credit card, and Lila says she bets Jessica wasted all of her money and Jess hasn’t changed after all- and Jessica says ” but even my dad’s card was rejected” and Lila reluctantly agrees to let Jessica use her credit card to pay for all the food or else the brunch will be ruined.

Jess then faces MORE bad luck- Tara comes out of the bathroom screaming that Jess is a BITCH!! Tara used the shampoo Jess gave her, and it turned her hair green! Remember when Rusty did that to Danny Tanner in Full House? Parker comforts Jess, and then Gia, Jess and Parker go to art history. First of all, Jessica can’t find the project she and Parker worked on ANYWHERE- I want to say something similar happens in Friends Till the End!! Then, when Jessica goes to talk to the prof about it, he says he has no record of Jessica being enrolled in the class at all and she needs to get her ass to the registrar’s office to figure that crap out. Parker is again comforting Jess, and Gia is pissed that everyone is starting to hate Jess- except for Parker, the one guy matters!!! Chloe is all upset thinking that her spell on Sam backfired and is ruining Jessica’s life.

Next day, Parker tells Jessica she needs to get her transcripts from her parents, and this happened to him at Tulane- his records got all wiped out and thankfully he had transcripts to prove he went to Tulane. Parker says he is convinced Leslie wiped out his records. But Jessica thinks ” but no one is stalking me. Who could be doing this to ME?” If only you knew, Jessica.  Jessica is then walking to cross the street, and a bus starts coming but Jessica cannot stop- she feels that someone pushed her… and meanwhile Sam and Liz are in Sam’s car and his brakes are not working and they hit a pole!!! Sam and Liz are OK but Sam is pissed saying that Jess was supposed to have the brake fluid replaced and can’t believe she didn’t bother!!! Also, the cop says to Jessica that no one saw Jess being pushed and she needs to pay better attention to where she is going. Jessica is just facing the worst fuckin’ luck.  Jessica then races home trying to tell her roomies what happened, and Sam is PISSED- and even Liz doesn’t believe that Jessica had the brake fluid replaced. Chloe then comes over unannounced AGAIN, and starts rambling about how she put a love spell on Sam, and it’s backfired and that is why all of this bad shit is happening to Jess- and Sam goes off on Chloe telling her that’s bullcrap and it’s because Jessica really has not changed, and Chloe needs to stop talking nonsense.  Chloe then says Gia is a Wiccan high priestess and can reverse the spell- and Gia hears this from outside and is pissed that Chloe called her out like that. Gia then puts a doll w/ the hex of the three knots- knots around the doll’s neck- that looks like Jessica. CREEPY….

Joe the mechanic tells Sam that Jessica DID replace the brake fluid, and the brake line was cut straight through- obviously the work of a vandal. Sam wonders who the hell would do something like that. Jessica doesn’t show up to work because of the stress, and Stanley calls to fire Jess, and Gia then says she’s waitressed before and takes over Jessica’s job!! 

Sam is still trying to figure out who ruined his car. Liz then goes running up to Parker and Sam, and Liz said how Chloe was all ” Oh Gia is a high priestess” so she looked up Gia’s name online- and found that the Theta Gia Allen was KILLED IN A CAR CRASH!!!  Jessica then goes to Yum Yum trying to find Sam, and Elise goes up to Jess saying that Kevin found out she cheated, and Jess is the only one who knew and HOW DARE Jessica tell? Jess swears she didn’t tell a soul.  Parker then sees Jess and comforts her- and he says he is convinced Leslie is on campus- he doesn’t know how but he can feel it! Liz and Sam then go to Gia’s room to find info, and they do find a book of spells- and Liz finds a pic of a dark haired girl with Parker- but why does Gia have that photo? Gia then finds Liz snooping through her room! ( Sam had snuck out, and Chloe is heading to Jess’s to cheer her up or something) and Gia convinces Liz that she is Gia Allen- she swears to it- and that yes there’s a bad spell on Jessica and only Liz can help reverse the spell as she’s so close to Jess! So Elizabeth goes with Gia to reverse the spell…

Sam then busts back into Gia’s room and finds even more photos of Parker- TONS OF THEM! He also finds all of these letters to Parker- from LESLIE! So Sam’s wheels are turning… Sam tells Jessica, Parker and Chloe what’s going on and they all put the pieces together and figure that Leslie must be back on campus as Gia- and Chloe says if Gia is up to her old tricks she knows where they will be! So Gia leads Liz into the water at the beach to ” break the spell” ( the Wiccan ritual crap was at the beach as well) and tries to drown Elizabeth- and Sam comes running and pulls Liz out of the water and does CPR on Liz- but then Gia hits Sams on the head with driftwood and knocks him unconscious. Parker, Chloe and Jess see Gia with the driftwood in her hand with blood on it,  Sam knocked out and Elizabeth ” mewing” by his side, and Parker tells Gia to drop the driftwood and Gia is all ” don’t you see? WE ARE SOULMATES!!” VERY Lifetime movie, Gia. In fact, the more I think about it, this whole book is a Melissa Gilbert/ Tori Spelling movie! Gia tells Parker she  changed her hair color, eye color and nose for him and he doesn’t even appreciate it! As Gia rants and raves, the cops arrive, and Gia is arrested, and she confesses to everything.  Gia is now in a psych ward, and Sam, Jessica and Parker tell Chloe it was Gia’s work and not Chloe’s spell that ruined Jess’s life. Jessica did locate her transcripts as well thank goodness! Alas, we don’t find out if Sam and Liz or Parker and Jess ever make a sexy time, but Chloe realizes that Sam can be her friend but that is all. Chloe finally gets that she was as odd as Gia/ Leslie with her stalker-ish behavior and decides to ” let nature run its course”!

So that SVU Thriller/Lifetime movie recap is DONE!! Next- join me for recaps of two Sweet Valley High books- Out of Control and Say Goodbye, followed by two Baby Sitters Club books, Dawn and the Wicked Stepsister and Stacey’s Big Crush! OK, when I was 11, Stacey was my FAVORITE BSC’er!!! Feel free to read along if you wish! And the ballet ” Coppelia” arrives in my mailbox tomorrow!!!


2 Responses to “SVU Thriller Edition- Very Bad Things”

  1. I love that movie Friends Till The End! I don’t’ know why! But I have to watch it EVERY TIME I see it on!!!

    Was that movie made before this book? If it was she probably stole the story. lol.

  2. girltalkread Says:

    I ADORE Friends Till the End and wish it were on DVD!!! Per what I know, Friends Till the End was made in 97 and Very Bad Things was written in 2000- so yeah seems like the ghostwriters copied the story and added the Wiccan stuff to throw us off!

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