Sweet Valley Twins #17- Boys Against Girls

Before I begin, I just wanted to snark a little on the cover of the last book I recapped, The Truth About Stacey. Why is Stacey a little chubby on the cover? Stacey is supposed to be quite thin due to diabetes so a chub Stace makes no damn sense! Also, that shirt Stacey is wearing does not look at all sophisticated!!

I also wanted to say that I am going to attempt to do 2 more postings by the end of the year on some Baby Sitters Club books but I am preparing to leave for Vegas on January 2nd, and I don’t even have suitcases yet so I have much to do to prepare! I am going to try to resolve to do one- two postings a week but things such as a boyfriend who is even better than Todd Wilkins, family birthdays, the vacay, and working on a total room redecorating may be getting in the way of that! I am also going to be seeking a new job if one happens to come my way!!  Hey, I don’t make money off YA novel blog postings! So on with it…

Jessica and Elizabeth are getting a new homeroom teacher. Jessica heard that the teacher’s name was Mr. Davis, and she hopes that he’s hot. Elizabeth just hopes that he’s as good as their last teacher was. Both girls are tired of substitutes, and Mr. Wakefield tells the girls that he best not hear too many complaints about this new teacher, and Mr. and Mrs. W have heard enough of the twins’ complaining.  The twins are also excited about an upcoming softball game- apparently all of the homerooms are playing softball and only two teams are left- Jess and Liz’s team is the Tigers.  The girls in the class are the best players- bitchin’ of Francine Pascal to incorporate some feminism in an SVT book!

So homeroom is about to start. Elizabeth and Amy Sutton  are chatting with Tom McKay and Ronnie Edwards about the upcoming game. Elizabeth sits with Amy and Nora Mercandy- yeah Nora that everyone thought was a witch is prominent in this book!!!  Mr. Davis finally walks into the room with Mr. Clark, the principal, and as soon as Clark leaves, ( who else is thinking of Joe Clark from Lean on Me- ah, Mr. Clark could never be as bitchin’ as Joe Clark!) Mr. Davis says that he already sees that some changes must be made in class. First of all, Mr. Davis rearranges the seating so that the boys are on one side of the room, and the girls are on the other side. Elizabeth and Amy are both wondering why Mr. Davis did that.  Mr. Davis then announces that he will assign regular homeroom duties- normally, Ricky Capaldo ( I only remember Ricky appearing in this book and I believe in a couple of SVH books- anyone else ever remember Ricky being mentioned in other books?) waters the plants because he gets to school before the other kids, but Mr. Davis says one of the girls should handle that job, and he assigns the task to Ellen Riteman. Ellen looks none too pleased about having the responsibility of watering plants.  Even worse, Jessica is stuck feeding the gerbils! Meanwhile,  one fo the boys gets the job of delivering notes to the office- you know, the most coveted chore in the class, and meanwhile 4 girls- Amy, Nora, Elizabeth and LILA FOWLER  are stuck having to clean up the classroom! Imagine LILA cleaning! 

Mr. Davis then asks Ronnie about what is going on in class, and when Ronnie tells him about the softball game, he says “you boys must be great ballplayers”-yep, he only talks to and acknowledges the boys!  Ronnie then tells Mr. Davis about the Sixth Grade Follies talent show, and the trip to the San Diego Zoo that Liz organized- and when Ronnie says Liz organized it Mr. Davis is all ” WHO??” as if he can’t believe someone named Elizabeth is in the class! As an aside- doesn’t this homeroom do a LOT of shit? I thought homeroom was only for the purposes of attendance, not to do tons of activities.  Mr. Davis then gives Elizabeth money and tells her that the girls are to make the lunches for all of the kids to take to the zoo the next day- and of course Liz doesn’t protest and just takes the money given to buy sandwich fixin’s.  Then, Mr. Davis only calls on the boys when he asks the class what animals they want to see at the zoo. God, this Mr. Davis sucks ass- I remember that I barely read this book as a child, because Mr. Davis pissed off my 11 year old feminist self to the very core.  Then, Mr. Davis yells at Elizabeth for trying to get rid  of a spider in the class, and makes Tom McKay get rid of the spider. 

After class, Lila says she is going to complain to her dad about Mr. Davis but Amy says complaining to parents about teachers is babyish- shit, I used to complain to my mom about my boss at the nursing home ( back when I worked at a nursing home) all the time and I was 27 years old! So of course the girls agree not to complain to their ‘rents about Mr. Davis.

The next morning, Amy, Nora and Elizabeth are in the Wakefield kitchen making sandwiches for the zoo trip. Jessica suggests making a sandwich for Mr. Davis, and what she does is that she spreads baloney, cheese, peanut butter and jelly all on the sandwich and slaps it together and marks the bag so that Mr. Davis eats it.  All of the girls are laughing hysterically over Jess’s sandwich.   Steven hears them laughing and asks what is going on, and the twins explain how Mr. Davis favors the boys, and of course since Steven is a 14 year old boy, he says Mr. Davis sounds like he has the right idea. Mrs. Wakefield then tells the girls it was nice of them to volunteer to make lunch for the whole class- and of course this would be a great time to tell Mrs. W the deal, but the girls do not of course, again because complaining to parents about teachers is just too ” babyish.”

At the zoo, Mr. Davis pretty much only talks to the boys again, and the girls have to buy everyone sodas and clean up after lunch. But Mr. Davis does buy all of the kids ice cream, so Elizabeth thinks that maybe Mr. Davis isn’t so bad- groan. On the bus on the way back, Mr. Davis announces that the kids will all be assigned a poem to read, and he is assigning two different poems. Elizabeth then feels that if Mr. D likes poetry, he definitely has to be a good person! Ummm yeah- my high school boyfriend loved poetry- and he sucked. Moving on…

Well, turns out that the poem the girls all got to read was shitty- it was about fairies and flowers and crap.  In class the next day, Mr. Davis asks the kids what they thought of the poem, and the girls all make faces as the boys look all happy. The poem that Ronnie reads to the class  ( the one the boys got to read) is a really good poem about a soldier fighting in the Revolutionary War.  Mr. Davis then asks if there is a volunteer from the girl’s side to read their poem. Of course, none of the girls volunteer. Mr. Davis then makes Amy get in front of the class to read the poem, and Amy reads the poem badly because it’s such crap. The girls say they felt silly reading that poem, and Mr. Davis is all ” well I felt it was a better poem for girls.”  Mr. Davis then brings up the Sixth Grade Follies, and says he wants to choose someone to be in charge of the Follies. Amy and Nora nominate Elizabeth, and Mr. Davis says he didn’t say anything about nominations.  Mr. D then says he already decided Tom McKay would be in charge, and this is not good news as apparently Tom is not a natural leader and not very organized.  Mr. Davis then says that he knows Elizabeth wanted to direct, but he tells her that a director needs to be male- well yeah Mr. Davis tell that shit to Sophia Coppola! Mr. D then says Elizabeth could be Aaron’s assistant and get refreshments and run errands for the cast, and Elizabeth says hell no to that as that job is basically being a glorified lackey! Glad Liz grew a pair.  Mr. Davis then asks about what their skit will be, and Nora says she wrote a skit, but Mr. Davis dismisses her as Ross Bradley ( WHO?) says he has a skit that his brother’s frat did about apes in the jungle or some mess.  And since Mr. Davis is a no brains teacher, he feels this skit would be awesome.  After class, Amy declares that Mr. Davis is an outright sexist and Nora says ” he’s not even good looking” because she thinks Amy said sexy HAH HAH  Then Tom McKay walks out and Elizabeth considers her and Tom to be good buddies,  and Elizabeth asks Tom if he really wants to direct the skit, and Tom is all ” Well girls aren’t as good as those things as boys”- asshat.

After school, all of the girls in the homeroom class go to the Wakefield home for a meeting. Jessica says that she thinks all of the girls should start acting as Mr. Davis expects them to act- dumb, silly and helpless. The girls should all wear their frilliest dresses ( Amy groans at that idea- oh tomboy Amy- eh, Tomboy Amy is slightly more interesting than Enid frickin’ Rollins) and the girls will have a signal- when Jessica touches her right eyebrow, all the girls should giggle on cue.  The other girls feel it’s a crazy idea but it just might work…

The next morning in class, Jessica declares that she can no longer feed the gerbils because she is afraid that a gerbil may bite her and she is too scared. Ellen then acts as if she can’t lift the water can to water the plants. The girls all then start to whisper and giggle as Mr. Davis is calling roll, and one can tell that Mr. Davis is getting exasperated.  Mr. D then announces that Mr. Clark is coming to observe the class on Monday, and the class needs a good topic for discussion. The girls say that the class should discuss fashion and makeup.  Mr. D says ” girl talk” is not appropriate for a class discussion, and Tom McKay then suggests the class can discuss democracy and Mr. D thinks that’s a great idea.  Mr. D then says he can’t wait for Mr. Clark to come Monday so Mr C can see that his homeroom has the smartest boys and the sweetest girls- again, GROAN!!  The class then starts to discuss the big softball game, and Mr. D is shocked that girls are allowed to play on the team- Mr. Davis ever hear of Title 9? I am sorry but this dude pisses me off. Well, the girls decide to play as Mr. Davis thinks they play- badly. I could have told the girls this wouldn’t work but eh..

Sooo… the girls fuck up and the team loses. Mr. Davis then says that after that performance, all the girls are kicked off of the team. Ummm girlies- this would now be a good time to complain to your folks! But again it is Sweet Valley…  As Amy, Jess and Elizabeth walk home from school, all three gals say they wish Mr. Davis would be fired, but Elizabeth says only a principal can fire a teacher. Jess then says ” Well Mr. Clark is coming on Monday so let’s make it so that Mr. Davis gets fired!”

Come Monday, this time the girls in class are all dressed in scruffy jeans and t-shirts, and all of the girls are snapping their gum really loudly- wait scruffy jeans with holes, t-shirts, snapping gum- that was me in seventh grade! I know, I digress. As Mr. Davis has Ross read the Preamble, the girls snap their gum louder and louder until Mr. Clark says ” do you allow your students to chew gum in class?” and Mr. Davis says no and tells the girls to lose the gum, but they are all ” hey it hasn’t even lost the flavor yet!” But Clark is pissy and makes the girls throw the gum out.  The girls are also knocking books to the floor and giving stupid answers to any question Mr. Davis asks.  Mr. Clark is irate and asks Mr. D why he can’t control his class, and Mr. D is all ” what do you expect from girls?” And Mr. Clark is like ” hello all students are expected to behave at Sweet Valley Middle School.”  Mr. Clark then calls Mr. Davis into the office, and the girls hear Clark say if Davis couldn’t control his class he’d be in serious trouble!!

Mr. Davis then asks the boys how rehearsals for the skit are going, and Tom says the boys aren’t rehearsing and Davis tells the boys the skit best be good after the bad softball game and today’s class issues. Then, Mr. D announces that the Town Council is making plans to remodel the school, and the council wants student input. Mr. Davis says nominations will be on Wednesday, and Liz wants to be on that committee, but she knows there’s no way she’ll get picked if Mr. Davis has to break a tie.

At dinner that night, the Wakefields are discussing the remodeling of the middle school, and Elizabeth says she wants to be om the committee but she doesn’t feel she will be because the boys will all vote for the boys and girls for the girls, and if Mr. Davis breaks the tie he will vote for a boy. Mrs. Wakefield says no teachers would ever vote for an unqualified boy over a qualifed girl because teachers just aren’t prejudiced like that- get your head out of the sand, Mrs. W, seriously! After dinner, Jess says there has to be a way to fix things so that one of the boys doesn’t show up to school so that there will only be 9 boys to 10 girls.

Elizabeth and Jessica go to school early the next day to catch Ricky Capaldo before class- and Jessica and  says she  wants to nominate him for the committee and Ricky, like, freaks because Jess says how the boys will all vote for him, and so would some of the girls with Jess’s influence.  Then Elizabeth walks into the room and Ricky says how he cannot be on the committee, and Elizabeth says ” well if you don’t go to school tomorrow Jess can’t nominate you” and surely enough on Wednesday Ricky is not in class!  But Lila is not in class either… 😦

Mr. Davis starts asking for nominations, and the girls all nominate other girls- Amy, Nora and Elizabeth are all nominated and Davis is all ” come on boys we need men on this committee” which rallies the boys to action, and Charlie Cashman, Jerry McAllister, and Ronnie are all nominated so there are now 6 nominees. As the voting starts, Lila walks in late!  YEAH LILA! So only girls end up on the committee!  Nora says it’s sort of disappointing as Ronnie would have been good, and Liz agrees but Liz also says ” this is war” between the boys and girls and the girls won a battle.

After class, Elizabeth, Jess and Amy go to the cafeteria to see the boys rehearse for the Follies. Tom has no direction of the skit whatsoever and the boys are goofing off and the skit looks terrible. Tom then goes up to Elizabeth and says he is having some problems with the skit, and now he wants her help. Elizabeth sort of wants to help, but doesn’t want to be a traitor to their cause ( as if the girls were members of the Feminist Majority Foundation or something) so Liz says she is not going to help Tom.

The next day is the Sixth Grade Follies, and the two other homerooms have great skits. Then Mr. Davis’s homeroom goes on stage, and the boys fuck up ROYALLY- the boys are running into each other on stage, no one can remember their lines, that sort of thing.  The twins then see Mr. Clark talking to Mr. Davis, and the twins are totes hoping that Clark will fire Davis’s sexist behind!

On Monday morning,  Mr. Davis makes a speech saying how he may have been too narrow minded in his beliefs about girls, and perhaps he should include the girls in activities ” suitable for them.”  Amy asks if the girls can join the softball team, and Davis is all ” that is not my idea of a suitable activity for girls”- dude, aren’t softball teams USUALLY ALL GIRLS? Fucker. And I guess he’s never heard of any female athletes like Chris Evert or Martina Naritalova, huh?  The girls are very dejected, and Elizabeth suggests that at the championship game, all the girls are to sit in the stands in their uniforms to show that they should be on the team, and Mr. Davis is not allowing them to play.

At the softball game, the boys are sucking it hard, and the team is losing.  During the game, Janet Howell, the Queen of the Unicorns, asks Jess why she isn’t playing and Jess explains how Mr. D is a sexist, douchebag a-hole.  As the team continues to suck it big time, Janet and the Unicorns  start cheering, ” We want the girls! We want the girls”  Ronnie Edwards then starts saying the girls should play, and Elizabeth says things have to change in class, and the boys agree but Mr. Davis is all ” OK, OK” but won’t apologize because teachers don’t apologize to students. Amy says ” why not my parents would”  and Mr. Davis finally apologizes, and the girls all play and totally win the championship game for the team wooooooooo- wow this would make a great Disney movie starring Miley Cyrus wouldn’t it- well it would if Miley had a twin! Or it could have been made years ago with Ashley and Mary Kate Olsen- but I digress again! 

After the game, Mr. Davis compliments the ladies like whoa, and says he is just not used to girls because he always taught at boys’ schools and military academies- which don’t military academies have some girls? Am I wrong there? Did Mr. Davis have a mom, a wife, some woman who’d teach him R-E-S-P-E-C-T??? Ah, Davis agrees to take all of the kids out to be pizza, and all is forgiven, and Sweet Valley is no longer sexist- HOORAY!

The book ends with the twins being all concerned because Mrs. Wakefield is sick. I do have the next book so that’s gotta be reviewed eventually. I love how any SVT book ends with a preview of what’s to come in the next book.

Again, I will try my best to recap ” Claudia and the Phantom Phone Calls” ASAP and ” Mary Anne Misses Logan” by January 1st if all goes well. After that tale, I am changing my order slightly ( again) of postings, because I got some ” Little Sister” books ( I read, like, one or two when I was a teenager because my sister had quite a few but I so hated them- so yeah snark!) and that book will be ” Karen’s Worst Day”- looks TOTES snarkable already from the cover! And if you all like Sweet Valley Twins, MANY more reviews to come on good ol’ SVT books- as a kid, I liked the Twins books more than the High, to be honest! And yeah I even read Sweet Valley Twins until I was about 16!! SO SHOOT ME!!

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One Response to “Sweet Valley Twins #17- Boys Against Girls”

  1. Mr. Davis sucks ass!

    Ooo…I can’t wait for the Little Sister books. Those things BEG to be made fun of :p

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