Peter DeHaven sucks- or SVH #36- Last Chance

I know, I did not update last week as I believed I promised I would. I suck- I admit it. I’d love to be ambitious and write 2 posts this week, but we will see- in the meantime look forward to these recaps in the next few weeks
( not necessarily in order)

1) Girl Talk 27- Perfect Match

2) The Fabulous Five 5- The Bragging War ( one of my favorites as a kid- then I read it again.;..)

3) The Gymnasts 2- First Meet

4) Freshman Dorm 24- Freshman Obsession

5) BSC 14-Hello, Mallory!! ( believe it or not I LOVED reading this one again… but I will save my total hatred for the BSC in this book for that post- you will ❤ I promise!)

6) Elizabeth Gail ( Christian fiction) 8- Elizabeth G. and the Frightened Runaways ( let me tell ya this book deals w/ more sensitive issues than SVH ever did!)

7) Sleepover Friends 20-Lauren in the Middle

8) Girl Talk 8- Stealing the Show

9) SVU Thriller- The Roommate

And #10- Sleepover Friends 9- No More Sleepovers, Patti?

So as you can see I will be doing more recaps on books from series that are not as well known as BSC or Sweet Valley Twins or High, though more of those are coming. I may get a poll going ( informal) on whether or not you guys want more posts on popular series like Baby Sitters Club, Sweet Valley Twins or High,  or do you enjoy the Freshman Dorm, Sleepover Friends, Gymnasts, Eliz Gail, type recaps as well? But enough on this shit- on to my recap!!

Elizabeth hears that Amy Sutton is dating Peter DeHaven. To review, Amy is the blonde twat who has a shit personality and is pretty much trying to be as cool as Jess Wakefield, and failing miserably. Peter DeHaven, on the other hand, is very intelligent, got accepted early admission to MIT,and is a senior who has always been enrolled in special science classes for nerds who resemble Clark Kent ( hey Peter is totally resembling Clark Kent on the cover of this book!) Meanwhile, Amy is lookin’ all demure and like a cheap imitation of Reese Witherspoon, whereas the ” other woman” aka Johanna Porter is shown with sexy red hair on this cover, though they describe her as having black hair in the book. Thanks, ghostwriters. Oh, also know that Peter is entering the Southern Cali Science Fair this month.  Elizabeth wonders what the hell Amy and Peter discuss- and Amy pretty much says what Liz thinks out loud- that it’s hard to chat with ol’ Pete as he is sooo much older ( yeah 16 and 17- worlds apart) and Peter is so- serious.  And BTW Peter is not to discuss science when Amy is around. Yeah, that’s fair.

The kids all spot Julie Porter, who is described as a talented musician who is too busy practicing her music to socialize much or have too many friends. Elizabeth remembers what great friends they were in sixth grade.  Julie’s parents were both talented musicians- Mr. Porter plays for the symphony, and before Mrs. Porter’s tragic death six months earlier, she was a talented opera singer.  Julie’s older sister Johanna never got good grades in school- she earned C’s and D’s ( sounds like my high school record- don’t ask me how I ever got into a university) and was always on academic probation, and about six months before Mrs. Porter’s death in a car crash, Johanna suddenly dropped out of school.  The latest news is that Johanna has decided to return to Sweet Valley High.  Julie says Johanna is nervous to start school again, and already Elizabeth is starting to think that she better help Johanna adjust to school- naturally, Liz has to meddle.

Johanna is thinking about how nervous she is about starting school again, and how she worked at the Whistle Stop Cafe ( funny- we have a Whistle Stop cafe about 5 minutes from my work!) and enjoyed making money and knowing a diverse group of people.  My opinion is that Johanna should have stayed at the Whistle Stop.  Johanna always felt like the dummy in her family, and at work, she felt respected.  Then two snotty bitches named Yvonne White and Lisa Howard, pretty much are all up in Johanna’s grill, all shocked that she’s back in school. And now- Johanna’s SAD tale- Julie was always the smart, musically gifted one in the family- Johanna is pretty like her mom was, but what did it matter as Julie was talented at music and Mr. Porter had a PhD?  And Mrs. Porter read books in Russian and loved to discuss philosophy. Johanna always struggled in school and felt inferior to the rest of the Porter clan.  Johanna always felt that Mr. P loved Julie more than he loved her. But Mrs. Porter really made Johanna feel loved.  Mrs. P used to always tell Johanna that one day she’d find her path in life, and the whole world would look different.

After Mrs. P dies, Johanna finds a journal entry that Mrs. Porter wrote, saying how she so wishes Johanna would return to high school.  Johanna then decides she has to enroll in school again to make Mrs. Porter proud of her and not to disappoint her. Johanna is starting to wonder if re-enrolling in school could be a mistake. Well, it’s Sweet Valley High so I say- yes. Other than since Johanna is pretty, maybe Bruce Patman will take a shining to her… 😉

We learn in Chapter Three that Elizabeth Wakefield is tutoring Johanna in English a few afternoons a week. Naturally.  Johanna is frustrated over how even science and math are hard, even though she always secretly loved both subjects.  Then, in the middle of Johanna’s thoughts- she sees- PETER DEHAVEN!!  Johanna has had  a crush on our Clark Kent nerdy- hottie since they were little kids! They used to spend hours playing with Peter’s old chemistry lab as kids.  Peter was always so smart and sure of himself, and Johanna and Peter drifted apart as Peter got more into schoolwork.  Johanna is kind of in disbelief that Peter is dating Amy Sutton, but Peter is so darn perfect that Johanna figures that Peter must see something magical in Amy that Johanna doesn’t see.  Peter and Johanna exchange some quick pleasantries, but then Amy says Peter must find them a place to sit.  Johanna is just so happy that Peter said hello, but so bummed that he’s all up on Amy. Poor, poor Jo- Jo!

Jessica, Cara and Liz are at the beach, and Jessica starts whining about how Cara is too serious with Steven- now from what I recall Jessica is the one who wanted Cara and Steven to be together, and now she’s pissed that they are serious? Jessica sucks so bad sometimes.  Jessica tells Cara that she should start making Steven believe that other dudes are interested in her, or Steven may lose interest and find Cara boring because no other men want her.  Jessica tells Cara to go to the PTA dance ( God how boring does THAT sound??) with Ken Matthews to get Steve jealous.  Elizabeth tries telling Jessica to knock it off, but Jessica isn’t listening.  Jessica wants to convince Steve and Cara that they are way too young to be tied down, and NADA will stop her!

Elizabeth is tutoring Johanna, and Elizabeth thinks how Johanna has a style all her own- she is wearing a jumper and a Victorian print lace blouse.  Elizabeth wishes that Johanna were as creative in expressing her ideas, and wants Johanna to be more secure in herself.  Johanna just really doesn’t get the F Scott Fitzgerald story they are reading, and is getting frustrated. Elizabeth tells Johanna to call Liz anytime, and not just to discuss English- Liz will be there. Naturally, naturally- Liz must SAVE THE WORLD! God, even my social work self wants to puke!

It’s a Friday afternoon, and Johanna is in the chem lab working on experiments. Johanna is finding chemistry very interesting and before she knows it, it’s 4:30! And PETER walks into the chemistry lab!  Peter starts telling Johanna about how he got into MIT and is interested in robotics, and Johanna is jealous that Pete has things all figured out, just like Julie.  Peter is going on and on about his goals in life and latest project for about 20 minutes, and not asking Johanna one thing about herself, but Johanna is just so entranced by how sure of himself and smart Peter is, and she is just sooo in love. Or something.  Peter says how he wants to write a program that acts as a psychologist-  you could ask the robot about fears, feelings, etc.  Peter then asks if Johanna is free tonight because he has to get notes from a friend of his older brother’s to help with his project.  Johanna totally agrees to go and is wet through her panties with excitement.

Johanna tells Julie about her outing with Peter and how much she likes him, and Julie says that Pete has one big ego since getting into MIT, and Johanna replies that anyone would! Then Julie asks about Amy, and then remembers that Amy is with her parents on a mountain vacay this weekend, and that’s the only reason Peter asked Johanna to go out. Johanna is pissed that Julie would say that.  Johanna says to herself that NADA will change her mind about how great Peter is!

Steven comes home for the weekend, like he always seems to, and Liz greets the boy like she hasn’t seen him in years. Steven tells the twins that he and Cara have an anniversary coming up. Jessica says Cara didn’t mention any anniversary, so Cara must have forgotten about it.  Jess starts saying Cara must be too busy with always going out to parties to remember the anniversary. God, why is Jess being as meddlesome as Lizzie? Then Jess implies that Cara goes out with other guys.  Jessica is all proud of herself for planting seeds of doubt in Steven’s brain.

Peter and Johanna go out Friday night, he again goes on and on about himself the whole time, and then Pete and Johanna make out. Great, great date there. Of course Johanna is on cloud 9 since she and Pete made out. 

So begins another tutoring session between Liz and Jo-Jo. Johanna tells Liz about her feelings for Peter.  Elizabeth is sort of alarmed when Johanna tells Liz about she and Pete’s date Friday night, because she thought Peter was with Amy Sutton. Johanna says she thinks Peter will dump Amy when she gets back from her trip. I am not sure where she makes that leap! The dude made out with ya once, Johanna, that’s all.  Elizabeth tells Johanna to go ahead and do what feels right, but to be careful at the same time. Then Steven comes over to the girls all steamed and frustrated over his college math. Johanna is easily able to solve it for him and is so proud that Elizabeth and Steven think she is smart because she can figure out college level math.  Elizabeth is so glad Johanna feels good about her math skills, and hopes Petey D doesn’t screw Johanna over.  Meanwhile, at Box Tree Cafe, Cara is all steamed that she and Steven had an argument over nothing.  Jessica again tells Cara to just accept dates from other guys- seriously, it is amazing that Steve and Cara allow Jessica to pull this shit.  Then when Jessica comes home, stupid Liz decides to tell Jessica that Peter asked Johanna out while Amy was away and swears Jess to secrecy- yeah that’s gonna work. Of course, Jessica swears that she wouldn’t tell Ames anything, as Amy is one of her bestie amigas. RIGHT…………………………….

Johanna hears everyone discuss the PTA dance, and is hoping that Pete will dump Amy in time to ask her to the dance.  Johanna says hi to Peter at school, and Peter pretty much snubs her- yeah because Peter is a douche nozzle, Jo-Jo! Of course, Johanna is crushed- she doesn’t get why Peter snubbed her!  Then, Pete finds Johanna in the chem lab, and says he is sorry but he only snubbed Ms. Jo b/c he was in front of Amy and her buddies and didn’t know what to say.  Peter says he is so afraid to hurt Amy because Amy just adores him to death, and he has to let her down easy.  Peter claims he will dump Amy tonight, and will take Johanna out to dinner in Bridgewater, 15 miles away, tomorrow. Johanna is in LUV, as Stace McGill would say, all over again.

Elizabeth then praises Johanna by saying her writing has much improved and Mr. Collins is very proud. Johanna says she is glad she’s doing better, but it won’t matter to her dad because he only cares about success in music. Eliz says she is sure that is not true of Jo’s daddy!  Johanna says that all Julie and Mr. Porter discuss is music, and it leaves Johanna out in the cold.  Johanna then says she wants to do better in school to make Peter ” Dick” DeHaven proud of her.  Johanna then comes home and argues with Julie again over Peter. 

Lila, Cara and Jessica are having lunch together. Jessica gets Cara to ask Ken Matthews to the dance to get Steven all jealous and to make Steve appreciate Cara and Cara agrees to do it. God, this storyline sucks- one, because Jess is the one who pushed Steven and Cara together, and DOS- because Steve and Cara are MAD BORING!!!! SNOOZE O RAMA!! Meanwhile, Lila is hoping to get a date to the Bridgewater Ball that is coming up. This will become sort of important later on.

Johanna is at the library, and hears Amy talking to some of the other cheerleaders about a party that Ame is throwing, and how Peter and Ame are going to the dance, and EVERYONE is invited to Amy’s party. Everyone but Johanna, of course.  And here Jo thinks Peter and Amy are over. Johanna storms out of the library, crying. Then Peter sees Johanna and offers her a ride home.  Peter says that Johanna really LISTENS to him, and Amy is just so into him and he doesn’t know how to dump the Ame-ster nicely. God, Pete, I hate your fuckin bullshit excuse my French, dear readers. Johanna then sees the program that Peter is working on at his place about how he’d ask the robot certain yes and no questions, blah blah blah, ( sorry don’t care to explain it further) and Johanna tries to tell Pete she saw  a documentary about this exact sort of computer program, but Peter blows her off.  Johanna does feel a little hurt that Peter always blows her off but of course she is still all inlove with Petey. UGH!!

Johanna gets a 92 on a tough chem exam. Mr. Russo tells Johanna that based on the results of this test, Mr Russo feels Johanna could be in advanced placement physics and calculus next year.  Johanna thinks that her mom would be so proud of her.  Meanwhile, Jess tells Amy about what she did with Cara and Steven, and Amy goes off on Jessica, and Jessica is well ” yeah because you are all tight with Peter” and that pisses Jess off, so she decides to tell Amy that Peter has been getting rather tight with Johanna. So Amy confronts Peter about it,  and Peter says he is just helping Johanna with chemistry. Then Peter thinks about how he really is only dating Amy because it gives him higher status at SVH, and Johanna is so much more REAL.  Peter then decides he has to really leave Amy for Johanna because he is sick of Amy. He slips a note in Jo- Jo’s locker saying he can’t see Johanna again because Amy found out about he and Jo’s DL relationship.  Johanna is convinced Liz told Amy about her and Peter and blows up at Elizabeth, even though Liz swears she didn’t tell Amy anything.  So Liz confronts Jessica, and Jessica says he was tired of hearing Amy go on and on about Peter, so Jessica told Amy what was going on. Elizabeth says she just wants to make sure Johanna stays in school and that this crap with Peter doesn’t make Jo- Jo drop out. And of course Liz easily forgives Jess for not keeping her damn mouth shut.

Amy’s party is a blast, and Amy is wearing a peach jumpsuit ( and sadly I think Express is currently selling peach jumpsuits), but as pretty as she looks, she looks sour and is not having much fun.  Then it’s the dance- and Jess tells Lila how this pretty redhead girl, Susan Stewart,  ( and on the cover of Rumors SVH #37 I do gotta say that Sue Stewart does look sexy as HELL!) has an outfit on that’s almost as expensive as Lila’s.  Lila sniffs, saying she wonders where Susan gets all that money- supposedly the woman who is Susan’s real mom is wicked rich and sends check to Susan’s guardian, ” Aunt Helen.”  Also, Cara and Steven chat and make up at the dance, and they find out Jessica was behind this scheme to break Cara and Steven up, and Jess says if they really had trust in each other, Jessica couldn’t have sabotaged them so of course instead of calling BS on Jess, Cara and Steven forgive her, too. UGH!  Meanwhile, Amy starts talking shit about Johanna, saying that if she got an A on a chem test, Amy bets Johanna cheated. And, what, Amy, you are a MENSA member? Shut up. Liz is pissed that Peter is just letting Amy talk trash about Johanna, and confronts him on it.  Peter just says he didn’t know what to say, and Elizabeth says it’s not fair how Peter is treating Johanna since Jo worships Pete so damn much.

Peter then talks to Johanna in school about issues he  is having with his computer program after saying he wants he and Jo- Jo to be pals. Johanna talks about the program she saw on Peter’s very project, but Peter is all ” oh this is for a science fair” and is all effin snotty over it. I HATE this douche- to me, he is worse than Bruce Patman! Johanna thinks that Peter could take his botched up computer program and big ego and disappear- ME TOO!

Johanna is then in the bathroom hearing those bitches from earlier, Lisa and Yvonne, talk about how they don’t see what Pete sees in Johanna because Johanna was a dropout and is not smart- again, AMY IS NO FUCKIN GENIUS!! UGH! So Johanna runs out of SVH and into- FREEDOM!!! When Liz hears that Johanna left, she tears Pete a new asshole ( which he does deserve) and Peter finds Johanna at the Whistle Stop, and finds her fetching in her uniform.  Peter tries to get Johanna to go back to school, but Johanna isn’t having it.  She tells Peter he doesn’t want to do anything for her and only cares about himself and tells him to shove it- wooo! But then when Johanna comes home, she and her dad have  a heart to heart,a and Mr. Porter tells Johanna to do things for herself and not for others, and that he is so proud of how well she’s doing in chemistry.  Johanna and her dad then hug and cry a lot.

Johanna then tells Julie and Mr. P that she is going back to school, and she loves her science and math course and wants to stick to school. Julie and Johanna make up, and both Julie and Mr. Porter are very proud of Johanna. Julie also says she is so proud of Johanna for having the courage to return to school. 

It’s been a few weeks, and Johanna is enjoying school. Peter tries to ask Johanna out again, after telling her that her idea for the science fair was great, and he used it and won, and wants to take Johanna out to celebrate.  And in SOOOOOOO NO WAY THIS HAPPENED IN SWEET VALLEY fashion, Johanna tells Pete HELL NO! YES!!!! FUCK YOU PETE! So glad that a girl in SVH has some ovaries and is happy with her beakers and calc, and doesn’t need a friggin man! YEAH!

We then end with Jessica getting her twat wet over Susan Stewart’s hotness and class, and Lila being steamed. AKA the intro to ” Rumors” which I do believe I own and may have to recap!!

Soooo peeps- informal poll- leave comments please on this- first of all do you all prefer I focus more on recaps of Baby Sitters Club,  BSC Little Sister, SV Twins, and High books, or more on recaps of more obscure YA series like the Gymnasts, Freshman Dorm and Sleepover Friends, or a mixture of both? Also, what is your favorite non SVH or Baby Sitters Club YA series? Choices are:

a) Fabulous Five

b) Freshman Dorm

c) Sleepover Friends

d) Girl Talk

e) Girlfriends

f) The Gymnasts

g) Elizabeth Gail series

Or another series? Let me know by commenting, please! Or if you like please email me at jsfsocwork@hotmail.com! Can’t wait to hear responses!! Though if you email me personally, please put ” Poll” or ” Girl Talk Read” in the subject line- or Fitzie’s- so I know it’s not spam! Thanks!

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9 Responses to “Peter DeHaven sucks- or SVH #36- Last Chance”

  1. Hmmm, I have not read any of those other series. I’m a fan of the BSC, what can I say? It’s classic, though.

    It’ll be fun to see a recap of Hello Mallory. Mallory was just so damned easy to make fun of!

  2. Great recap, and in answer to the poll questions – I do like the variety of the recaps, but I’ve only ever read Sleepover Friends, Girl Talk and the Gymnasts books aside from the SVH/BSC, etc.

  3. perfectsize12 Says:

    Johanna Porter was my favorite SVH character after she dumped Clark Kent! It figures that this is pretty much the last we hear about her…

    As for future recaps, my vote is for Sleepover Friends and Girl Talk.

  4. girltalkread Says:

    Alas, you knew Johanna wouldn’t last long b/c she is so kick ass- and perfect size 12- LOVE THAT NAME- that is so me, as well!! 😉 Let’s be twins 😉

    Girl Talk and Sleepover Friends Fans- you will be happy- in fact my next recap will be a Girl Talk book, and in the next few weeks, I am also reviewing 3 Sleepover Friends books, as well as another Girl Talk book! Anne- after the Girl Talk book is recapped next time, I will be recapping a Gymnasts book- one of quite a few recaps coming up on Gymnasts books- PLUS- BSC and SVH fans- excitement awaits!! I am recapping ” Hello Mallory” pretty soon, as well as ” Stacey vs the BSC”, I am also recapping some SV University thrillers and a Sweet Valley Kids book in the next few weeks!!!

  5. God, these twins really were insatiable.

    You’re right about Susan and that cover; I remember crushing on it in my youth.

  6. Annabelle Says:

    I’d love to see more Baby Sitters Club, BSC Little Sister, and SV Twins recaps, since those are the ones I read the most when I was a kid!

  7. I enjoy a more obscure review as long as there’s enough backstory for someone (like me!) who doesn’t know the series. However, your Little Sister reviews will always be my favorite 🙂

    • girltalkread Says:

      Reminder to the Girl Talk fans- there are a lot of posts on other Girl Talk books ( such as Welcome to Jr High, Peer Pressure and Face-Off) if you go way back in the blog so please read those and enjoy them!!!! I will be doing LOTS of SV Twins recaps in the coming weeks and months Annabelle so look forward to those!
      I also totes crushed on Susan on the cover of Rumors- and I will be recapping that soon!
      For backstory on Freshman Dorm- read the post for Freshman Dorm #1. I will provide backstory when I recap the Fab Five, Gymnasts and Eliz Gail books!

  8. Dude, I just saw this in my WordPress Comments list and noticed I said “insatiable” when I meant “insufferable.” And now I am amusing myself thinking about what, exactly, the twins have insatiable hunger for.

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