What a Stupid Book- I expected better, Lila!

I will be recapping Love and Murder today. I really put off writing about this book I read this at least two months ago and it was horrible to read. I will try to get through this disaster of a book and stupid plot as much as I can. I got all excited when I was first going to read this book because I was thrilled that, finally, Lila Fowler was going to be featured in a Sweet Valley U book- but nooo then the book had to bite.

Lila is sitting in Dr. Heckman’s art appreciation class, and she is bored out of her skull. Lila isn’t too happy that Jessica didn’t bother showing up for class. We get some background on Lila’s life after high school- Lila was on vacation in Italy and met and married Count Tisiano, he died in a tragic jet ski accident a few months later, and Lila inherited some of his cash.  Dr. Heckman then introduces the teaching assistant who will take over for a few classes. Lila isn’t too thrilled to see some old, crusty person discuss art- but wait- Damon Price is in his 20’s, has dark, rumpled hair and is all sorts of sexy.  When Damon takes off his glasses, his ” clear, quizzical eyes” seem to almost instantly connect with Lila’s.  Lila thinks there is something so familiar about Damon’s smile and face.  We also learn that Damon just returned from Europe and he was studying expressionist art.

After class, Lila runs up to Jessica in the quad and says that Jessica shouldn’t have missed class because Damon the TA is the hottest guy Lila has ever seen.  Lila says that when she and Damon’s eyes met there was an instant attraction. Jessica doesn’t believe a hot TA would be in boring Prof Heckman’s class.  Jessica tells Lila that she finds it hard to believe Lila had such this instant connection with Damon Price, as Lila is supposedly in love with Bruce Patman, who is studying in Japan this semester.  Lila says that when you connect with a man the way Lila has connected with Damon ( this is not YOU, Lila- GAG ME) then it doesn’t really matter if you are dating someone else.  Jessica tells Lila that she will be in class next week and she will be sure to look good because then Damon will see who he prefers between Lila and Jess!

Lila calls the Sweet Valley directory assistance to call Damon when she gets back to her dorm. SV directory assistance cannot find anyone listed under Damon Price or Damon Pryce. Lila says thanks for nothing.  Lila then calls the university switchboard, and they give her the phone number for Damon Price.  Lila gets Damon’s voicemail when she calls.  Lila leaves him a message saying she has great interest in Claude Monet’s art and would like to discuss this with him further.  Lila thinks to herself that her connection to Damon is so different than any love she had for Tisiano or Bruce- it’s as if she has known Damon for a long time. Meanwhile, Damon is at the university pub having a  beer, and he draws a picture of a woman he just met today- long, dark, hair, pouty lips, great cheekbones- and Damon tells the bartender that all he knows about this woman that he’s drawing is that her name is Lila.  Damon knows this because Prof Heckman yelled at Li during class because she dropped a bunch of pens.

Lila is agonizing over the fact that Damon hasn’t called. She waited by the phone most of the day but he never called. Lila did have to go to a special Theta meeting or else Lila would have really been in her dorm room all day waiting for Damon’s call.  Lila checks her mail, and Bruce has sent her a letter with a photo of Bruce in a kimono sitting with two Japanese men.  Bruce says Japan is great, but he misses Lila like crazy. Lila thinks to herself that it’s the sweetest letter anyone has ever sent her- so sweet that she’s wondering if it’s really from Bruce. Lila does realize that Bruce has a sensitive side many people don’t know about, but she cannot deny her attraction to Damon. 

Prof Heckman tells Damon after Damon teaches two art appreciation classes in a row that Damon better keep his mind on teaching and not those ” pretty young girls.” Well there is mucho evidence to suggest that the SVU profs love banging the young college girls- I bet Prof Heckman probably banged Alice Wakefield back when she attended SVU.  Damon is studying the painting of a surrealist work painted by an obscure artist a half a century ago.  The woman in the painting looks just like- Lila!  Damon thinks no wonder he has Lila constantly on his mind- she’s in this painting! Damon then hears Li’s voicemail but he decides not to call right away.

Jessica shows up to the important Theta meeting, but Lila is not there.  The girls are discussing fund raising ideas for next year when Lila finally arrives.  Lila says that every year Tisiano’s family held a huge masquerade charity ball.  Lila suggests that expensive tickets could be sold to the ball at alumni weekend and the sorority could raise thousands of dollars for charity.  Jessica is seriously jealous- Jessica thinks that it’s not fair that Lila gets tons of sexy guys, has tons of money and also has the best idea for a charity event!  Lila seems all distant for the rest of the meeting. She then drops an envelope, and it has Bruce’s address in Japan on it. Jess tucks it away in her pocket, as she figures she never knows when Bruce’s address will come in handy.

Li calls Damon again as Damon is sitting in her office, again thinking of Lila.  Damon agrees to meet Lila the  next night over coffee and to discuss art.  Damon then thinks that Lila seems more sophisticated and mature than most other college girls- so Lila is the Stacey McGill of SVU?  Lila says she will call Damon at his home tomorrow to confirm but Damon tells Lila he has no home phone number and he will call her.

Lila is again sitting in her room all day waiting for Damon to call. Isabella is visiting, and she says this guy has to be really special for Lila to drop everything and wait for the guy to call day, especially as Lila has a perfectly good answering machine.  Lila tells Isabella she is not sure why she is waiting around for this- she’s read ” The Rules” for God’s sake- wow ” The Rules-” the 90’s equivalent of ” He’s Just Not That Into You.”  Lila tells Isabella that she keeps thinking she knows Damon from somewhere. Isabella warns Lila that maybe Damon knows Lila is a countess with tons of money and Damon may just be using her. As Lila is pondering this, Damon finally calls to discuss their plans for the evening.

Jessica is sitting alone in her dorm room. Elizabeth is in Santa Barbara for five days covering whale migration for the university TV station.  Jess is upset that Liz brought Nina Harper with her to share an awesome hotel room and not Liz’s VERY OWN TWIN SISTER!  Isabella then calls Jess and tells her how Lila is totally gaga for this art history TA , and how Damon and Lila are going on their first date tonight. Isabella tells Jessica her concerns that Damon is some poor teaching assistant who probably is using Lila for her millions, and Jessica just thinks it’s unfair for Lila to get to go on a date with Mr. Hottie TA Damon just as Jessica was going to work on snagging him!

When Damon sees Lila in a white dress, he is amazed at what a gorgeous woman Lila is.  Damon is amazed at the expensive art Lila owns and Lila says her dad spoils her. Damon replies that Lila deserves to be spoiled.  Damon then says that he feels bad that all he wanted to do was take Lila to a little cafe at the beach, and Lila deserves better- like dinner at Andre’s, this chi chi restaurant.  Lila instantly calls to make reservations at Andre’s, and Damon is very worried as he can never begin to afford Andre’s, but he doesn’t tell that to Lila he just chooses to drive over to Andre’s and then figure out how the hell he will pay for this meal.  In the car, Damon tells Lila that he can’t really afford Andre’s. Lila says not to worry as she will pick up the tab.  Lila is thinking to herself that she can’t believe she’d offer to pay for a date and wonders what has gotten into her.  At dinner, they have filet mignon with truffles ( shit I am drooling I am such the steak eater!) and Lila tells Damon about her brief marriage to Tisiano and his untimely death.  Damon doesn’t know how he will ever compete against a man who was a count. After dinner, Damon then thinks to himself ” the night is just beginning, isn’t it Lila?”  Damon and Lila go to his small apartment for coffee after dinner.  Lila notices Damon has a phone and says that Damon said he had no phone. Damon explains that the phone was installed just this morning, and is rather brusque about it.  Lila wonders what she really  knows about Damon besides the fact that she is extremely attracted to him. Lila then thinks that love is  a risk and she fell into an intense relationship with Tisiano and never regretted it.  Lila and Damon make out, and Damon thinks that he and Lila are linked and Lila belongs to him.  Lila and Damon both say they feel as if they have known each other for a long time even though it’s been such a short time.  Damon says everything about Li feels so familiar- her face, her voice. Damon then tells Li he has to show her a picture of that woman in that clouds. Damon goes to a tall bookshelf and is on a ladder to reach the book. As Damon goes to grasp the book, the book goes flying and hits Lila really hard on the head, and she falls down.  Lila is knocked out momentarily but then wakes up. Damon tells Lila he will bring her home and stay with her for awhile to make sure she is OK.  Lila thinks that Damon is the only man who will ever truly understand her needs.

Next chapter- a big party is going on.  It is the day of Flora’s wedding to Theodore, a dark haired man who is the love of Flora’s life.  As Flora and Theodore go to hug each other and tell each other how in love one in with the other, Flora’s slipper falls out from underneath her and Flora feels herself plunging into the darkness…

Lila is screaming when she is awakened from a deep sleep. Lila has this image of seeing Damon’s face in a cloud and that Damon and Lila were in this big mansion and Lila was wearing a wedding dress, and dream was so vivid and Lila feels she has seen this mansion before.  Lila wonders though, why everyone was calling her Flora and Damon Theodore in the dream, and why the clothes are so old fashioned.  Lila is upset that Damon hasn’t called since Sat. night, but reasons that Damon is a busy TA and doctoral student, and per Lila’s dream she and Damon are destined to be together.

Before class, Damon tells Lila he is sorry he hasn’t called.  Lila says she was afraid she would never see Damon again.  They then start kissing and embracing passionately, and Jessica walks into the lecture hall at that very moment.  Jessica cannot believe that Lila was making out with Damon in the lecture hall, and then thinks that Damon is quite sexy with that dark hair and those pouty lips.  Jessica starts talking about Bruce and how great Lila and Bruce are for each other, and Lila tells Damon that Bruce is just an old boyfriend. Jessica is like ” yeah sure.” Then Jessica says she is going to leave but Damon tells Jessica she has to stay for class as Prof Heckman frowns greatly on nonattendance. Jessica pretty much says she doesn’t give a shit, and walks out of the lecture hall, vowing that Lila will get hers! 

In class, Lila is thinking about how much she already loves Damon, but is a little unsure of his feelings for her. Damon then shows the class the painting of the woman in the clouds and Lila sees how it looks just like her! Then Lila’s dream of her in the wedding dress starts happening again and Lila can see it plain as day.  Lila thinks she’s never seen this painting in her life but she saw it in her dream- is she going crazy?  Lila then tells Damon she saw that painting in a dream and Damon was also in the dream. Damon tells Lila she probably just saw the painting in a museum as Lila has been to so many,  and Lila says no she only saw the painting in the dream. Damon is doubting Lila, but she keeps on swearing that is the case.  Damon then says that this is so meaningful- that Lila has to be the woman in the picture, and the woman of his dreams as he has always dreamed of this painting as well. And they make out again.  Lila then sees the name of the artist- Theodore Grey!!!! Theodore was the name of the man in her dream! But Lila doesn’t tell that to Damon.

Jessica is furious at both Damon and Lila. She thinks of ratting out Damon and Lila’s affair to the powers that be at the university, but Jess decides she is more pissed at Lila. So instead Jessica writes a letter telling Bruce how Lila is in love with another man, and sends it to Bruce in Japan. Jess thinks that BOY revenge is sweet!!!  More Flora and Theodore shit. Flora and Theo have been married for four months. Theodore is always in his studio painting and he hasn’t shaved in forever. A reporter from the Examiner comes to interview Flora as she and Theodore are the hottest couple on the East Coast. The reporter asks Flora if it is true that Theodore’s family fortune is slipping away. Flora says she finds no reason why that would be true.  People are apparently saying that Theodore hasn’t sold a painting in 2 years, and that Theo and Flora’s marriage is on the rocks.  Flora yells at the reporter to leave. Theodore hears Flora screaming and demands to know who she was talking to. Flora says that Miss Hancock the reporter was spreading lies and tells him what Miss Hancock said. Theodore says it is all true- that he hasn’t sold a painting in forever, and he had to borrow money from his brother Thomas. He says the big society party they threw awhile back was to fool people into thinking he was still wealthy. Then Theodore starts screaming and throwing books, and one of the books hits Flora and knocks her out… God I hate this Theodore and Flora shit, and I hate this book.

Lila is screaming again from this Theo/Flora nightmare.  Lila is scared, but thinks to herself that Damon is nothing like Theodore.  Lila decides to look up info in the library on Theodore Grey.  Meanwhile, Damon is looking at one of Theodore Grey’s paintings. It’s initially a painting of a beautiful woman, but crude slash marks are drawn all through it, and and one is bad at the neck and dripping blood.  Damon is trying to block out this painting as if it’s a memory he is trying to forget.

Lila gets a Theo Grey bio from the library and reads that Theodore Grey’s wife was named Flora. Lila is wicked spooked. Damon then shows up at the library and asks Lila what is wrong and Lila says how in her dream she is called Flora and Theodore Grey’s wife’s name is Flora, and Theodore looks just like Damon. Damon tells Lila she is having trouble distinguishing fantasy from reality and starts talking to her in a very cold voice, which is unlike him. Lila tells Damon she wouldn’t have told him this if she didn’t think he wouldn’t care and her dreams scare her. Damon coldly tells Lila that he has a lecture starting soon, and Lila tells him to go ahead and leave, because Lila doesn’t want to see Damon anymore if this is how he is going to be!

Flora wakes to find her husband looking all crazed and disheveled, and his art studio ruined. Flora asks Theo what is wrong and he replies by throwing a chair through the window. Flora thinks Theo must have gone completely mad.  Then Flora sees Theodore make those crude slash marks and drip paint onto the picture of her like it was blood. Then Theodore comes toward Flora with  a knife toward her throat, and Flora faints…  Lila wakes up and screams ” Damon why is this happening?” then the phone rings,and Damon’s voice keeps saying ” Lilllla, Liiiilllaa ” over and over and Lila yells that it’s not a joke and hangs up the phone and then falls asleep fitfully.

Theodore yells at Flora to come and tells her she must have heard what was happening and how did his studio get so trashed?  Flora tells Theo HE trashed it and Theodore says that’s nuts.  Theodore said he would never ruin his own work and Flora tells him ” but I saw you.”  Theodore says that’s impossible as he was sleeping in the study at the other end of the house.  Then Theodore picks up the crudely slashed painting, says that it’s fascinating and it will be the centerpiece of his art show. Flora screams.

We hear Damon think that he should call Lila but doesn’t know what to say. He thinks that he is not sure if Lila is that crazy after all about the Theo and Flora Grey thing.  Lila goes to the library and reads that Theodore used that painting of Flora all slashed in his gallery and it foreshadowed a great tragedy in his life. Lila has to find out more.  Lila reads that Flora was murdered- slashed in the neck- in 1937, and Theodore was the main suspect in killing Flora.  Lila freaks- Damon is obsessed with Theo Grey’s work, Theo killed Flora, …. so draw your own conclusion as to what Li is thinking.

Lila is pounding on Damon’s door.  Lila shows the article talking about Theodore murdering Flora. Damon tells Lila he still feels she is imagining things.  Damon tells Lila he is falling in love with her, but he is worried about her emotional health.  Damon then screams and asks Lila if she wants Damon to hurt Lila as Theodore hurt Flora- the fuck?  He then screams ” What do you want from me, Flora??”  This is getting bizarre. Lila just keeps screaming her head off.  Then Lila sees that the painting of Flora all slashed is all over one wall of Damon’s apartment. Damon tells Lila he is so sorry about his behavior, but he loves Theo Grey’s paintings and he has that painting up because it’s so beautiful because it resembles Lila.  Lila runs out of his apartment as Damon is yelling for Lila to come back.  Damon can’t believe he went all nuts on Lila and hopes he is not turning into- and pause… it doesn’t say. He can’t believe Lila is causing him to have all these emotions  and he has to get a grip on himself.

Flora is wearing a lovely beaded dress and Theo tells Flora she looks fantastic.  Theodore is very excited for his new art exhibition.  Since Theo went nuts two weeks away, Flora and Theodore have barely spoken.  Theodore has sold many paintings and then Flora sees how that picture of her with that bloody, slashed neck is hugely on display. Flora is wicked freaked, even as she tells others how proud is she is of Theo’s success.  Lila is all freaked out over her dream and the phone rings again and the voice goes ” Flooorrra” Lila knows only one person knows about Flora- and that is Damon.

Flora goes to get herself a glass of warm milk as she can’t sleep. An arm grabs her arm and the man- Theodore- or she believes it’s Theodore- looks crazed as all get out.  Theo throws Flora to the ground and screams at her that Flora took his ideas and his money!  Flora says those were Theo’s ideas and she has no clue what he is talking about and he’s going insane.  Theo then says Flora owes him with her LIFE! ( please book END SOON this shit is terrible!!!)

Lila is crying in her bed and decides that it’s over between her and Damon.  Then the phone rings- and Lila lets the machine answer.  Damon is calling!  He says he is leaving town in a couple of days and he knows Li needs his support but he can’t give it right now.  Too many strange things are happening, per Damon.  Damon says he will call Li when he gets back.  Then Lila gets ANOTHER call- and the voice says ” your boyfriend is gone, no one can help you now Liiiilllla”.  Lila goes off to buy a caller ID machine.

Damon sees Lila outside the electronics store. Lila tells Damon she thought he left, and Damon says that he couldn’t leave because of Lila.  Damon says he is sorry about everything and asks if Lila wants to go have coffee with him and talk. Lila decides coffee would be OK. Damon again says at coffee time he is so sorry for everything that has transpired.  Lila notices that Damon’s eyes, usually so bright and full of life and curiousity, are dull and flat.  Lila figures Damon must be as tired as she is.  Lila then tells Damon about the weird phone calls.  Lila then tells Damon she bought a caller ID. Damon says she is carrying this too far and it’s probably some frat boy just calling to give her a hard time.  Damon then says he doesn’t want to discuss this further. Lila again notices the dullness in Damon’s eyes.  Lila all of a sudden doesn’t feel right about Damon because she fell in love with his expressive eyes, and these eyes look so different. So Lila tells Damon she has to leave.  Damon asks for one more kiss before Lila leaves and she indulges him and she notices that she felt nothing when she and Damon kiss.   Lila then tells Damon she never noticed a scar on his right eyebrow- oooh  Damon has a Luke Perry scar!  Lila then tells Damon she knows nothing about him and despite Damon’s protests, she says she can’t carry this relationship on anymore and runs off and leaves.

Lila thinks that Damon only fixated on her because she resembles Flora Grey. Lila is too freaked out to be alone in her dorm so she drives off to turn to Jessica for support.  Jessica is upset at first but lets Lila in when she says Damon wasn’t who Li thought he was and Lila promises to take Jessica on a spa weekend next weekend. Lila then proceeds to tell Jess everything that is going on.  Jessica says that is the most incredible story she has ever heard and does Lila think Theo killed Flora? Lila says she thinks so.  Jessica says there has to be something Li and Jessica can do since Lila fears Damon will kill her as Theodore killed Flora. Lila decides she will break it off permanently with Damon tomorrow.

Jessica then gets a creepy feeling and sees Damon Price at her dorm window. Jessica can’t believe that Damon is now stalking Lila. Jessica doesn’t say anything to Lila.  As Jessica and Lila fall asleep, Lila thinks how Damon started off so nice and warm and now he is so cold. Lila then thinks that Bruce is really the one for her, and she can’t wait until he gets back from Japan.   Flora is still on the floor as Theo yells at her. Flora goes to grab one of Theodore’s hand and notices it is so rough and Theodore always kept his hands manicured and smooth.  Theodore is choking at Flora,  and squeezing tighter and tighter- and yes Lila wakes up screaming again as usual.  Lila screams Damon, STOP STOP and Jessica goes over to Lila and asks what is going on and Lila tells her about the dream.  Lila then decides she has to do more library research as Theodore may have killed Flora- or not. Jessica points this out, and Lila makes Jess go with her to the library.

Lila and Jessica find out that Theodore was cleared of Flora’s death as they learn that Flora died of cardiac arrest.  Lila says the newspapers are wrong and she knows Theodore killed Flora.  Jessica suggests that they go to see a past life reincarnation person to see if Lila can learn if Theo really killed Flora.  Astrid the reincarnation lady says that Lila was Flora in a past life and Damon was Theodore. Astrid warns that in this life, with karma and all, Lila may hurt Damon in revenge for Theo killing Flora.

Lila comes out of Astrid’s place and Damon grabs at her arm! He says he thought she and Damon were such good friends and that she even loved him a little.  Jessica then yells at Damon to get his hands off her, and they run to Lila’s car and speed off. Jessica says she wants to call the police on Damon stalking Lila,   but Lila says she needs to think first.  Then Lila says how she feels as if Damon almost has two personalities and she is in love with one of them. Then Lila tells Jess that she will call Bruce tonight as he is her real love, and Jess confesses how she sent that letter to Bruce. Lila runs away from Jessica at that point (they get to Lila’s apartment ) and screams at Jess to leave and that now Lila has NO ONE to turn to!! Jessica is afraid that Damon may be waiting for Lila at the apartment, and she has to call the police. When Lila gets home, Bruce has left her a message and Bruce says he is still here for Li and loves her and that he will call again tomorrow if Lila doesn’t call him.  Then there is a message all ” Lilllllaa” again and when Lila calls the number on the caller ID she sees that it’s Damon’s voicemail.  Then there is banging on her door, and Damon looks crazed and covered in glass and is all we will be together forever FLORA and then a boot knocks Lila against the head and Lila falls..

Flora is on the ground. A man who looks just like Theo yells at well Theo and screams ” what have you done to my wife” then the two Theodores are fighting with each other as Flora ” sees the light and goes into darkness”- so who is the man who attacked Flora who looks just like Theo?  Then Jessica is going to Li’s apartment ( instead of calling 911) and sees Damon running toward Lila’s apartment and Jessica tells Damon to stop right there!  Damon screams to get away and says ” who are you?” Damon continues to run and bangs on the door and says it’s me Damon let me in!!!  Jessica asks Damon why he is stalking Li and all that and Damon says he can explain, Jess doesn’t understand-  Lila has a knife to her throat.  Damon tells Lila that was always very smart and he doesn’t get why he couldn’t get a rich, beautiful woman like Lila- but DAMON always got the opportunities, and went to the Academy and ummm- yeah so crazy stalker man is NOT Damon- it’s Damon’s TWIN!! THE FUCK DUH DUH DUH! Kill me now I fuckin hate this book more than the one about Liz almost fucking a vampire.  this guy says Damon thought he could ” lock this dude in that place” but Damon was WRONG!  The real Damon breaks down the door- and sees his brother Dylan- see this Dylan and Dylan McKay both have the eyebrow scar- is that where Francine got the idea to name the evil twin bro Dylan?  Dylan says he will ” take Lila away” from Damon, and Jessica then runs in, and Dylan and Damon are grappling on the floor.   Jessica drops a Cuisinart on the guy with the worst haircut of the twins and says ” don’t get the floor bloody” LOL that’s the only good part of this shitty book.  Well Dylan meets his demise by falling backward on a knife he intended Lila to fall backward on if stabbing her didn’t work.  And yep – Theodore didn’t kill Flora. His twin brother did.  Lila is in the hospital from shock and panic and Jessica and Damon both go to see her. Lila tells Damon to just hold her.  Jessica has to admit Li and Damon look all cozy and in love.  So background- Dylan was brilliant and got Damon into art. Both went to this private art school and Dylan started getting into fights andwent insane.  He would be ” depressed one day, happy the next”- so he was bipolar.  Damon put Dylan in some mental institute in Cali ( umm yeah ask Willie White- Cali mental institutions are soooo easy to break out of so Damon you are dumb) and that is why Damon moved to CA to be closer to Dylan.  So Damon also learns that Theodore had a twin brother who was very depressed and jealous of Theo’s success and he attacked Flora and may have brought on the heart attack.  Damon tells Li he is afraid that he may get mentally ill one day, and Lila tells Damon the relationship can never work as they have this awful memory between them and it’d be too painful to be together.

THE END! THANK GOD!!!

 

So Monday or Tuesday, I am recapping ” Boys in the Gym” Gymnasts #10.  And then by maybe Sunday, Monday or Tuesday of next week I will recap Claudia and the Genius of Elm Street which I liked way more than this stinker of a book, and by the end of August let’s hope I get to Sleepover Friends Numero Seis, ” Kate’s Camp Out” and then I have a Freshman Dorm book to recap. Good times!

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4 Responses to “What a Stupid Book- I expected better, Lila!”

  1. This sounds like the worst book in the history of the world. Kudos to you for actually finishing it!

  2. girltalkread Says:

    Oh God it really is the shittiest book ever- possibly worse than anything involving Jungle Prom!!!! I am shocked I finished this craptastic book!

  3. Thank you it’s very nice

  4. Karla Keffer Says:

    Oh my god, that hurt. You deserve a billion dollars and a Porsche with a 1BRUCE1 license plate.

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